April

Everyone heard the clock ticking. It resounded through the waxed floorboards. The school year was about to end, they were about to be free.

The bell sounded and that was it. 

"Finally, I can chill out..." "You're just lucky you don't have chores..." "I got so much books to read..." "Come on! Sunday, hot girls, cold drinks, what are you doin..."

"April."

I looked back to see Marcus.

"Wanna hang out for a while?"

We went to the 4th floor, the music room's door was broken. Played a C major seventh and we were well on our way to moments of joy. Kept talking about music like it was what we did for a living.

Then...

"I can't bear to tell you this."

I began to play slower for a moment. I was desperately finding every fiber of my bravery to handle what he was about to say. I was young and, damn, was I in love. It was so stupid. I was shaking inside.

I sighed and brushed my hair with my fingers to set them back on my head. Bracing myself for the impact, the meteor that was about to smash itself into my heart.

"... I love you, Marcus," I said.

I heard voices in my head screaming a triumphant congratulations but others blatantly whispering about how this could go wrong. 

I was weak. I could cry so often, i could mourn for quite a while. Even so, I took so many risks. Despite all my experience with emotional misfortune and getting on the wrong foot in social situations, Marcus was the only one who ever tried to understand my tantrums and grievances.

I owed him so much. I couldn't find it in me to be so dependent. I wanted to be there for him when I'm stronger, when I get better.

With that statement, "I love you", I began to revel in a glorious feeling of making him feel loved, of giving him some sort of pat in the back for all his support. Suddenly, I began to panic in the boundaries of my over-reacting mind. I began to imagine him thinking that I was just making him stay. He might be thinking I'm just being this emotional thing trying to burst out to make him feel guilty of leaving.

I did not want him to leave.

Yet, I didn't want him to feel bad about leaving.

I regret saying all that. "I love you, Marcus." 

"I'm... getting a scholarship in a school in the north..." then with a few sniffs he went on to bite his lips and hug me.

I can feel his chest pumping. He was crying.

"I couldn't make it without you. I'll bring all that you gave me. I love you so much too."

I was relieved. It wasn't what I expected.

We then laughed about how we look like idiots crying in front of a piano. "Someone play Lacrimosa! Let's mourn!" We laughed hard. We finally  talked about so many things we never thought we would talk about. The time when I ran away from home and when he almost got in an accident on a field trip and so he didn't go with us on our way back.

Then I kissed him...

and I opened my eyes. On my piano, I was unconsciously just imagining all that. 

"I'm leaving for a school in the north... I'll miss you, April."

"I'll miss you too... I guess you got to go. It's getting pretty late."

"Oh, Haha! I thought it... I really got to go."

He dashed off and looking back he said. "Good luck with next year."

I never saw him again.