“It's all right to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they're worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
You loved Marvel as much as I do. I like boys and so did you, and I was cool with it until I saw you in a different light. We were good friends, I hope it does not change but I was wrong, 'cause it did. Or was it me who changed?
So we met a year ago, I was awkward and you were cool. I didn't know you that well but you talked to me as if we were close, and your humor made me comfortable. Not long after our first meeting, I warmed up to you. We talked or chat or whatever means of communication we have to catch up with each other's lives. And we talked nonsense, though most of our conversations are silly, it was fun. You were fun.
We hang out, though I was not the kind of person who hang out a lot. I choose people to get close to me and I allowed you, because you were just so adorable and I can't help but be charmed by you. No matter how tall my walls were, they were useless, 'cause I opened up the gates to my heart for you, welcomed you defenselessly, and effortlessly you walked into my heart like you owned it. But you do, I wish I could have known.
I wish I had known that the moment you joked around me, it was the start of something painful, and overbearing. I should have known when you talked about silly stuffs you stole my heart. I should have seen it coming but I didn't, your smile and jokes blinded me. Now here I am, wounded.
Some days, I just look at you and asked myself. "Why did I like this guy?" And as if you heard my question, you would show me why. The kindness you show to your friends, even when you know you have nothing left for yourself, you would still give them the comfort they need. The love you have for your family, and the dedication you have with the things that you do. You have passion and it burns me with a realization and my heart would reply, "What is there not to love?"
We are still friends, and I look at you differently now, yet you will never know. I'd rather be stuck here, than lose you by telling the truth. I will be fine, I will live, I just need to get used to the feeling that we're friends and that's all we will ever be. Because I am a coward, and the only brave thing I know is to love you at a safe distance.