August 30

Under the dark,star-lit sky, they lay.bare bodied, drenched in sweat, covered in the smell of cologne and cigarettes, looking out to the moon as it played hide and seek from behind the clouds. She turned to face him, looked deep in his eyes and asked the question as he ran his fingers down her spine.

"Where are we heading with this?"

He kissed her forehead, stroked her hair off her face and said, "Learn to live in the moment, we will figure out what happens later."

"We are not children anymore. there has to be an end to this hide and seek."

"Tell me something, are you not happy?" he asked.

"Yes, I am. But......"

"Then that's it. We both are happy. that's all that matters. Your happiness matters. Forget about what is supposed to happen, what is there in store for us. When it's time,we will figure it out."

He quietened her as usual. She couldn't blame him. He had a point. Planning things out for the future did not really work well for her. She lost five years of her life to that. To planning a future with someone. Hoping for a settled life. Dreaming a perfect life together. But in the end it made no sense. It collapsed as a sand castle. She knew he was right. The happiness she longed for, the feelings which were buried under the sands of time, he brought out all of that. She felt alive again. She felt happy again. She knew she got more than what she could ask for. 

"Hello my lady! Got lost where?" his words broke her chain of thoughts. 

" Nothing. What's the date today?" she asked.

He untangled his jeans and shirt from her clothes, took out his mobile phone and said " August thirty".

" You don't remember,do you?"  she asked, knowing well he did not.

"Remember what?" he asked annoyed.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"What is wrong with you? If you have to say something then be explicit and say it. I don't get it. I know you are not good at expressing and I have heard it  thousands of times, but only at times, just try and say it out loud. If you don't ask for it, how am I supposed to know what you have in mind?" he got up from bed, slipped in the pair of jeans and left the room, closing the door behind with a loud bang.

She buried her head in her pillow. sighed. Then she got up, picked up his white shirt lying on the floor and wore it. she loved to wear his clothes. She loved how she smelled like him long after she left his apartment. The smell of his cologne made her head spin a bit, as it always did. She went to the kitchen and made herself a cup of coffee and moved to the balcony. the soil downstairs was damp from the rain last night. The petrichor always made her mind wander. It always brought with it a feeling of melancholy. Her eyes moistened. It was August again. Thirtieth day of the month. She remembered the day last year, clearly. It amazed her how she remembered it so clearly despite of her mind giving her away most of the times about remembering things when needed. 

She remembered how he stroked her head as she lay on his chest that day, listening to his heartbeats, her head hurt and felt dizzy with all the alcohol.

 As he brought his face near to her, she looked at him with sad, longing eyes and whispered " How drunk are you? ".  

"Pretty much" he smiled.

"Enough to not remember what I am going to say now?"

"I guess, why? What is it? "

"I Love you. I know you don't fall in love with friends. That it is beyond your ethics, I know you are against this. But I love you.  I know I shouldn't have. I don't know if it is right or wrong, but I do. And it feels right. It feels perfect, like never before.Please don't hate me for saying this. But I love you". She felt relieved, as if a burden was off her chest. She closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest.

He did not utter a word. Not then, not now. He never said those three words back to her. It had been a year. A whole year. She consoled herself by thinking that he did not believe in the words, and as it is, she had seen the words being abused.  "Forever" was the second most abused term, the first being "love". 

Her thoughts were disturbed by the tune of a known song from the music player. She turned around to find him there, only inches away, with a bouquet of flowers. The 32 inch T.V screen flashed their pictures together. The music player played the song they sang together for the first time. He came closer, handed her the flowers, poured some wine in the glasses he arranged by the bedside table. He grabbed her by her waist and whispered in her ears " Is there a point saying something and not backing it up? You have lived with that, tell me is it better? I have always backed my feelings up, always held you high, always considered your happiness prior to everything. Why do you think I do that,you silly girl?"

He swayed her over, danced to the tune of the song, leaned in and brushed his lips over her's.

" I did not forget. Thank you for being drunk last year. I LOVE YOU".