August 8 2014
Hey,Its me again.
Today has been kind of weird. I wish I could tell you everything that has been happening. So maybe you can somehow magically uncomplicate my life...Right now you in school, probably falling for another heart, another mind, and another breath. If I had the guts to...I would tell you to be careful. I can not stand to see you in pain and not being able to help you. I remember one day you sat behind me and told me that you where in pain.
The only thing I remember about that day was sitting in front of you praying that you would be ok. I wanted to run out of that room and find the cure for your pain and bring it to you...but my fear kept me from going. Later at the end of the day we where talking and I lightly pushed you but then quickly pulled away remembering that you where in pain...a look of hurt came over your face and my heart sank. I never ever want to hurt you.
For some reason I never forget what you say to me. I secretly think of those moments that I remember and smile when I feel happy. I will never forget how beautifully that you see life...in the most pure way that I cant even imagine. People my age...normally dont think that deep. That is why I was more of a loner, the only people I talked to was the ones older than me..but then you came along.
You are younger than me, yet I feel as if I am a child when I stand by your side. You know...I blushed when I talked to you, or even when you looked in my direction. I remember you telling me that blushing was a flaw in the way humans react to certain situations. I would have to agree, not for your reason though.
I agree because it makes it harder to hide your emotions if its written all over your face. As you know I do try to hide my emotions, its kind of been my way of dealing with things...of protecting people from my problems. But you where that one to tell me that not telling someone whats wrong hurts them more than not telling them. *sigh* I really really hate it when your right. ;)
You know writing like this makes me realize more and more how much I remember and how much of a influence you have in my life...I care about you so much and you dont even know. I just wish that caring so much about you didn't hurt, but to be honest I dont care if I get hurt. I am writing through this pain in order to protect you. You know I wasn't lying when I said that you where probably one of the most amazing people I have met. You are one of my best friends...but you deserve better than me.
I have had the privilege of getting to know you and the more things you tell me the more honored I feel for knowing you. Your story breaks my heart, I hear every word, every piece that you say, the reason I remain silent is because my heart breaks for you. I dont just see how you look, or ever how you act...I see your heart.
Sometimes I wish I didn't see peoples hearts, because then I care about them only to get hurt in return...*sigh but I'm glad I see your heart. That is why I "like" you, and why I think I am falling in love with you. Why do I think this? I think this because no matter where you are, how you look, what you do, or even what you say...I will always care about your happiness over my own.
Truly,
Shyla