Awkward.

I think I'll give this a try.

I am a shy and awkward person. I don't really fit in and I am always alone. I don't have any friends (yep, not even one. I only have the "give and take" kind of friendship). So yeah, I really think that I don't belong anywhere. I've been always in a crowd but I always find myself alone. I don't have anyone to talk to (even when I'm happy, sad, depressed, lonely, etc.). I'm not that person you will choose over another person. So I've been thinking, it's a little bit sad that I don't have anyone to share my happy and sad moments.

I've been writing nonstop just to lessen this heavy feeling inside my chest. I'm the kind of person that is hard to deal. I don't speak a lot and my voice is usually low. I think, the only one I have now is my cellphone. I'm not good at sports (or anything in life). Well, some people kinda envy me because I have the brain and they say I'm pretty lucky because my parents are good people and so is my siblings. But to be honest, I'm not that smart (I'm nothing compared to the real smart people). And my family, well, I think I'm really lucky that I have them. I don't have any problem with anyone. I mean, I don't judge because I know the feeling of being judged by people who doesn't even know you. But my problem is myself. When people try to talk to me, I can't even look at them in the eye. I always walk with my head low because I'm too shy. When people chat me, they always say that I'm no fun at all because I reply with only few words. In short, people think I'm boring. And I really really really have a low self-esteem.

So, I've been always escaping from reality. I write, watch movies, read books, and chat some strangers (from omegle, chatous). But I, too, can be tired. I think I'm tired of being alone. I'm already a teenager so I think it would be good to me if I find myself some friends. Well, I don't really wish for many friends. Even if it's just one, I want a friend who will never leave my side no matter how boring or weird I may be. But I just can't seem to find someone.

I'm lucky with my family. They are good to me and they are really doing their best just to support my needs. I appreciate them that's why I always study hard. I don't have to tell them that I'm lonely just because I don't have any friends. I don't want them to know that because they are already working hard. My classmates? No, they have their own world. I don't talk unless someone talks to me. And they only talk to me when they need something from me. They're nice but that's only when they want me to help them in their assignments or projects. But still, I treasure them. Even though I don't talk too much to them, they're like my second family.

The reason why I'm writing this right now is, of course, I just want to let these things out. My life is too boring and I'm bored with it too. And I want to tell to the world that if you have at least one friend whom you can share your happiness and sadness with, you're one of a hell of a lucky person! You should treasure your friend and never betray him/her. Because I'm kinda unlucky and don't have any friends. It's lonely to be alone and I hope you won't experience that.

And that's it. Thank you for reading. ()