Being Single SUCKS!

Being Single Rocks! Being Single Is Awesome! Being Single Is Amazing! Does it? Really? Ask yourself, REALLY?

Can we please admit that being single is not so awesome after all! Being single actually sucks sometimes! Sorry, but it’s true!

Well well well after spending major share of my undergraduate as a single guy, I guess I say this because I am tired of being single now. For those who aren’t single, I know it might sound a little melodramatic to associate being single with grief. But I have come to believe that’s exactly what it is at times. I believe this to the core that one’s relationship status never determines the happiness any individual experiences or portrays. But still, let’s for a moment face the God-honest truth: Being single sucks sometimes! Let me be clear. I love my life, single and all, I have been in and out of relationship train quite a few times to understand why people chant the mantra of ‘being single rocks’. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still would love to be committed to the right person, because I have dreamed dreams and hoped hopes over all these years and all the failed relationships, that simply were left unmet. And I grieve those things. And this sucks! I’m really content with being single. Most of the days are good but then there are days where you just can’t take it, when you are just not into it. There are days when I just ponder over the fact that this is not how I pictured myself years ago. Not at all. And this sucks too! Big time.

There have been moments over the past few years, when the weight of being single has hit my life a rock bottom, this is one such moment. I don’t know when this moment will come again, but without fail they always come. And boy, these moments knocks the wind out of me. EVERY-FREAKING-TIME. Why do these moments come? Because the holidays, or the weddings, or that overrated valentine week, sometimes even just scrolling through facebook or instagram feeds, filled with happy couples and love quotes acts as a trigger to these sulking moments. Sometimes, it is the tiniest of things that unexpectedly cause a catch in my throat and make my eyes blurry. Like watching a couple I’m with exchange a knowing look and smile. Or coming home with some great new, but no one to share with. Or waking up for the thousandth morning without a morning wish. Or going to sleep without having a person to share a goodnight message with. Or walking into temple or a party or gathering or a restaurant or a movie alone. And these things, my friend. These tiny things, SUCK. It sucks because sometimes you just want to hang out with someone who completes you. It sucks because being around people who are in awesome relationships is a reminder that you can also have it but you don’t have it. It sucks because of lonely nights, bad days, rejected efforts, failed attempts, unrequited feelings, and beautiful words that remind you of how awesome love can be. What made this post possible? Nothing just a lonely night.

Although i have a lot of stuffs to do so to get out of this loneliness, like I’ve got bunch of books, plethora of movies to watch, TV series to finish, friends who are on the edge to go out on a trip anytime I want. Great family and relatives waiting for me to show up and I cherish them all but then there are days where I want more. I want that someone. I guess I am being too greedy.
Am I?

I want to share the morning coffee with someone. I want someone to taste my cooking and tell me never to cook again. Someone to taunt me not to mumble while eating and to yell at me that it’s not wise to drink water right from the pot. Someone to tell me to either change my fucking playlist or she’ll throw my phone right out of the window. Someone to tell me to change my wardrobe or she will burn my clothes to the ground. Though I love living on my terms, but sometimes, just sometimes, i want someone to yell at me for not trimming my hair and beard or she would do it herself.

Someone to have silly fight with over which movie to watch or which restaurant to go to next. Somebody to accompany me while watching horror movies, while eating pizza, while reading a book, while having a midnight ice cream. Someone who’ll ask me about my day. Someone, to give a damn. Someone, to care. Someone who would be afraid of losing me.

Someone who would send random messages during work that say “I miss you”, “Hey, smartass, clear your plans, I am kidnapping you for a movie at 7”, “Surprise, i am downstairs, we are having chinese tonight “. Is this too much to ask for? Is this too much to hope for?

And yes, I also need those kisses, those cuddles, those random back hugs that I’ll remember a lifetime.

I want those fights which just last some hours, a day at a worst case scenario and then end up with surprise gifts, thousand apologies and love sessions. Those silly arguments about which tv series is best or who is a better actor. A person who would not only promise to stay by my side forever, but whould actually prove it. A person who would believe that love is about efforts. A person who would actually make me believe that even though it’s tough but being committed is much better than being single and sulking at times.

Besides all these I need someone to assure me that things are going to be alright.

And this is everything i think about, every time when these moments hit me, which gives rise to a heartache. You know that very feeling, when a strong weight presses down on your chest so hard that you can barely breathe, and then somehow buries deep into your soul? That kind of ache. It’s heartache, in the most literal and emotional way. And this is why all this sucks. That ache of sadness. Sad that I’m still walking this road. Sad that it is downright exhausting at times doing life on your own. Sad that I have absolutely no freaking idea or hint of what lies ahead for me. Sad because I want a chance to love.

And the saddest fear comes creeping in that there’s a decent chance that any of this might never happen for me.

But like I said, life is good on most of the days but then there are days when you’re just not into this whole being single being awesome thing. Some days, everything just sucks, some days, my heart just aches.

So to any of you dear friends out there who find themselves in the midst of hard days like these, don’t break down. These low moments are just as important as the highs. Learn to appreciate them. I raise my glass to you and the courage and strength it takes to get through. And I offer that you’re not at all alone. And remind you and myself that it will get better.

It will. :)

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