bitter confession

It's pretty hard right? Looking so happy and joyful and strong from the outside, but from the inside, deep down there, you're just broke. Broke and completely shattered. It feels like no one understands you, or you have no one to talk about what's actually going on in your life. Also, it's not only that one thing which makes you feel this way, it's the small little things, which added up to what was already there, therefore turning it up into something big.

My life right now is somewhat like that only. There are so many small things which effect my mind, that all of it turned into something big. Nowadays, I feel like as if everyone's taking my presence for granted, and if I suicide, no one will care. Probably the person who wrote the quote "people won't care until you die" was right. Maybe it's true. They  won't, until you're gone. Gone completely, without telling anyone. 

Yes, indeed killing yourself is the easiest way out to avoid or just completely eliminate misery, but some people are just pushed to this level by others, that killing themselves is the only option left for them. They feel like no one can help them anymore, or listen anymore. Crying every night about how bad their life is, doesn't make them feel any better right? It just makes them feel worse, and then, they lose hope. 

The only reason I am actually alive right now, is because i still have that little hope left. That 1-2% of hope, where I think my life will get better, and the fact that someone will listen and help. So many times I was this close to self harming, but then, I thought, "maybe, this is not the right thing to do right now." There's so much to live for than to die. And this thought right now, is the one keeping me alive.