CAN I BE HER

She gets up with a subtle smile and offers her seat to the old lady who just entered.

Shifting and making space for herself she accidently hits one or two people around her. "I'm so sorry" , she sweetly appologized for being a sort of an intruder to their personal space. She was just feeling better since none of them seemed to mind this intrusion and moreover they understood. "Thank god, soo nice of them", she innocently thought. Suddenly she saw something which she least expected. She didnt know what to do, she didnt exactly know where she should hide , "hell, there's not enough space to stand let alone hide.. damnn" she thought. And swiftly she shifted her weight on her left leg, so that the guy standing in front of her could be of some use to her, blocking her... from him

"Why am i hiding, by the way ?!", with a frown she thought

Ignoring all apprehensions and hesitations she managed to regain her space.. standing straight. Unwillingly her eyes shifted to the direction, catching his glimpse.

Suddenly she realise he was with someone. Someone pretty. Someone prettier than her. Someone she instantly hated. Someone she was jealous without even knowing whether she's a friend or not.

Someone after she saw... felt a sharp pang deep inside which she didn't like it at all. Someone.. she couldn't help but notice that she had this amazing bag which she left at the store day before yesterday because it was expensive.

"I should have bought it... damn it" crossed her mind.

But most importantly someone to whom she knew he was giving that smile for which she had fallen. For him.

*ignoring* She takes out her phone and idly surfing net which wasn't working because of thw poor connectivity. She jumps to her music folder... idly moves her fingers on her playlist... close her eyes and randomly choose a song.

Turns out it was the song which she used to sing for him...

"This is iritating", she thought and iritated she kept her phone inside her bag.

Just standing ..and doing nothing made her look at their direction. He seemed happy. He was touching his ears just like when he used to be nervous while speaking to her. He was standing in the exact protective manner where his eyes were just on her. Just like the way they used to stand. Which was brutally sad. It was not only sad, she just couldn't explain to herself the feeling which she was experience. The feeling which made her feel significantly small.. significantly insignificant.

"CAN I BE HER", she wishes

*Slight brakes applied* He caught her by the arm. She could see them smiling and giving those "couple-ly stares" to each other. In the exact manner ...the way they did where he used to lean in and whisper that she's looking pretty.

"Staring into each other's soul, nonsense", she meekly commented to herself. Hoping this would make her feel better but it didn't help much. Made her feel even more something like someone hit her forcefully in her gut.

She just stood there. Anyone could have noticed the feeling of longingness in her eyes. Anyone could have seen the desperation of "can i be her" on her face.

While she was fighting with those mindless thoughts, their eyes met.

She thought maybe, maybe he'll bring up his hand for just a friendly hand-shake

Perhaps they'll pass warm and polite smile to each other.

Maybe he'll introduce the pretty girl telling her about us. Telling her that we had a past. Telling her that i knew more about him than he knew about himself. Telling her that we broke up because he got bored. Or busy. Or both.

Why she didn't know?!. because he just sent an apology message saying "it's not you..it's me"...

Because she didnt want him to think that she's the kind of person who'll cry over him..irrespective of the fact that she's exactly that kind of a person...

Maybe she'll now be able to confront and confess to him, " CAN I BE HER?!"

Instead she just saw him ignoring her as if she was just a part of the unknown crowd around him.

Instead she just knew... no matter what happens now, she'll be scarred forever for wishing to be her.. wishing "CAN I BE HER!!"