"But why me? Why me?" She broke into tears and clutched my hand as hard as she could, as if she was holding on to the last piece of her land, refusing to let go.. I stared at her, numb and speechless; words dried in my throat..
I couldn't tell her that she wasn't the only one, there were millions like her.. Cancer has no target, it takes on the most innocent soul and destroys it.. You can't prevent it, you can't cure it.. Even if you survive, cancer sucks the life out of you.. I wanted to tell her that avoiding smoking and drinking doesn't make you immune to cancer.. I couldn't tell her that in spite of my years of research in this field, I may not be of any help to her.. I couldn't tell her that the reason I left her for has become the reason of our confrontation, 7 years later...
I remembered the last time she held my hands like this.. It was a typical March evening, her eyes wet with tears, my voice croaked with pain..
"I love you, but I'm made for a bigger world.. I've my goals and I can't put them at stake.. I want to cure people from cancer.. I want to uproot this disease from the world.. I don't want any more people to die of cancer helplessly.. Please understand.. This scholarship is my first big step towards my dream.. I'm sorry but I've to go.." I said, rather inhumanly..
"But... but I love you.. I can't live without you.. I'll die if you leave.. Don't do this to me.. Please don't.. please.. please.. ", she was begging.. But I was determinate..
"Be matured.. Love isn't everything in life.. You got to chase your dreams, follow your aim.. Stand big in life.. Don't cry over me.. I'm just a chapter, you've the entire book left to enjoy.. Don't, just don't ruin your life for me " I tried to console..
"But you're my everything.. You're the man of my dreams.. I've.. I've built my life around you.. I ne-ed you.. I can't let you go" she was weeping, so badly that it was hard for her to even speak..
"I'm sorry" was all I could say.. I removed her hand and got up to leave.. She pulled me down on my knees.. Holding me in her arms she cried like a baby.. Even I couldn't restrain my tears.. But I had to leave and I left.. Before going out of the room I took a glance at her.. She had dug her head inside a pillow and was weeping copiously.. "I broke her" I remembered me saying..
By the next day, she was completely a changed person.. As I came to her home to wish my goodbye, I saw her tearstained face, but with a smile.. She asked me if I had packed every necessary thing and whether I had made proper arrangements in California.
"Took your passport? And your boarding pass? Check it once more.. You still have time in case you've missed something", she nagged.. I sighed because I could sense how messed she was from within and how hard she was trying to pretend that she was fine.. I could feel how badly she was trying to avoid looking at my eyes, lest her eyes give her out.. I has hating myself that moment for the hurting the girl I love the most. But then I remembered the sight of my father dying of cancer and the determination returned.. I consoled myself that I'm doing this for a greater cause..
I remembered how she held me in her arms, which I thought to be our last physical contact.. I swear I never felt so warm and comfortable in my life like in those few seconds.. I planted a kiss on her forehead and a tear silently slid down her cheeks.. Immediately she wiped it off.. But I left at once and couldn't dare look back.. I couldn't afford falling weak..
On reaching I mailed her but no reply came.. I kept mailing her for about a month reporting my progress and how I spent my day and how lifeless my life was without her.. But she never replied.. I realised she has cut me off entirely.. I thought I'd be happy because I wanted her to move on and live her life, but I was not, because I secretly wished she loved me forever...
After 3 years I heard from a friend that she had started an NGO for the cancer-affected people.. I remember I cried that day.. "How could she still love me so much when I had hurt her the most?" I had wondered..
Now she was before me, broken and shattered and I was helpless, just like before.. She held my hand tightly just the way she did the day before I left.. I looked at her face, it hadn't changed a bit.. She was equally beautiful now, even without her hair.. Medicines and chemotherapies might have dull her spark, but her innocence and honesty made her glow even brighter.. I wrapped her in my arms,
"You'll be fine.. I'll not let anything happen to you.." , I whispered - a hope that I give all my patients, a hope that I needed so much..
"Doctor, we are ready for the surgery" , the nurse informed..
I bet I had never been so nervous before.. This was the first time I was going to try a gene therapy on a cancer patient.. After years of research my idea has been approved by the council and this was my first attempt at it.. At the altar was the person who loved me the most, the person whom I loved the most.. The process seemed like a battle and I had to win it.. I prayed that she becomes my first cancer crusader.. I looked at her face and through the wiped face she forced a smile.. Her face had a tranquillity that gave me a further boost and returned my losing confidence.. We took her to the operation theatre and I could feel my heartbeat go up..
Almost an hour later, my fellow partner in the OT, broke the deadly silence and yelled, "Congratulations Sir! We did it.. We saved her".. I couldn't respond.. I couldn't feel anything.. I held her hand and stared at her, my tears knew no bound.
After 72 hours she finally opened her eyes.. I was overjoyed to see her smile.. She wanted to say something but I shut her up.. Like always she didn't listen to me.. She pulled me closer and whispered in my ears, "You left me to research on cancer.. Now see, cancer brought us together.. " I nodded and held her hand tightly, this time, FOREVER........