Can't you be a father that I want you to be

He left me.  He left us.  Ever since, I believed that he was dead,  he will never comeback. Everyone keeps on telling me that he will no longer come back.  I've been praying to god that let my father comeback.

I never experience having a father that will tide me on his back.  I never had a father who will fetch me to school when my class I over.  I never had a father that will play with me when there's no one wanted to play with me.  I never had a father that will say 'it's okay, he doesn't deserve a princess like you'.

But even if I don't have a father to do it, I still believe that he'll comeback.
And YES!  You came back.  I thanked god for hearing my prayers. I thanked him for bringing you back.

But all of a sudden, I realized It was wrong. All this time,  I wanted to have a father everyone ever had.  But how come I don't. 

They said that why is it so hard for me to trust men.  They don't know. They'll never know. I have my untold story.

I can't believe to men because the only man I ever love betrayed me. He betrayed my mom.  And that was never easy.

He's asking me why can't I accept him. Hm!  Maybe because he's the most irresponsible father for me.  He only thinks for himself.  I never felt this mad before. 

I can't love anyone because I have my trust issues.  I can't love because I always thinks that they will end up like my father.  I'm scared I'm letting man enter my life because I'm afraid that they would ruin me as my father does.

I just need someone who'll make me feel love unlike my father💘

-unknown