I got home at around 3 pm from work tired, but I wanted to give Danielle a good surprise. We've been together for two years now.
My love for her only strengthened.
Knowing she's about to be home in a few minutes, I prepare her a warm bath and order sushi. The food got here quick and I decided to rest for a while, just clearing my head up.
Two years, that's amazing. I can't believe we'd last this long. I love her so much. Then, BAM- the door of the fridge was slammed shut. I got up and checked, my Danielle's home.
"Hello hon- SHUT UP", she hissed at me and I start to sweat. What's wrong?
I try touching her, but before I could, she just glares at me. I understand. I need to let her be. She stomps her way to our bedroom and slams the door shut. The sound echoes through out the house and in my head. What did I do wrong???
I look everywhere, did I break something? Did I forget anything? It takes me a while, but I finally realized: We don't have water anymore. Im so damn careless!!
I immediately call the water station, fearing its already closed. Thankfully, it isn't, well, I made it just in time.
"Opo, sige po, mamaya nalang po pupunta dyan yung driver. "
" Sige sa- beep beep beep" the call was ended before I even got to finish my sentence.
The clock's tick tock sounds so loud. The delivery is taking too long. I start pacing in the living room. Its still coming right? It has to. As time passes by, so does my lover's forgiveness. I get tired of pacing so I sit on the couch, but even then, my leg bobs up and down. Its taking too long.
I snap out of my thoughts. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Checking, it turns out that Nikolai sent me a text. Its been a while since we've talked.
"Heyyyy wassup!!! How are you? "
Still caring as always, that's good. How am I?..... Careless as always really. I'm glad she still stayed despite this, but I know I can't keep letting myself be so careless.
" Im fine, just very busy with work xD"
" That's nice XD Hey, don't forget my birthday next week! You're not allowed to miss out on it AGAIN XD"
I flinch. I'm not sure if I can go again. Our anniversary is two days before his birthday, so I really don't know.
ding dong
It's finally here! I let the delivery man in, and after everything is settled, I immediately fill up our pitchers with water. Then I get her a glass of water, but I pause in front of the door. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for whatever's ahead. I knock, but no response was given. I open the door quietly and find her on the bed, lying down, surfing the web.
"I'm very sorry for being careless again. " I say as I place the glass of water on the lamp table beside her. I wait for a reply but got none.
" Honey? " I say softly, almost begging for her to say something, anything. But she just sighs deeply and puts her phone beside the glass and turns away from me, ready to sleep. I hold back my tears. I understand, I need to give her space. I leave the room and close the door silently. Once its closed, I sink down to the floor, cupping my face. I've been messing up more lately, and I can feel it strain our relationship. Im so scared. I cry, but I don't let any sound escape my mouth. I can't disturb her more than i already have.
I head to the kitchen table and stare at the sushi I bought. Has she eaten dinner yet? I eat some, tears refusing to stop leaking. When I finished, I fixed everything else I could, and made sure the doors are locked. I need to sleep, but I'm scared to. Would she allow me to hug her? I don't think so.
I lie down on our bed as gently as possible, not wanting to disturb her. Her back is facing me, slender and beautiful as always. I can't lose her. I don't want to lose her. I inch closer, just barely touching her and fall asleep.
I dreamt of her. How her lips curl when she smiles, how her hair looks beautiful even if she says its messy. Her wearing my shirt, she warms my heart. She feels like a perfect Sunday morning. Her eyes, brown and piercing, sees through me, there's nothing to hide.
Nikolai introduced her to me during our third year in college at a party. She was his classmate. We instantly clicked, and we continued to spend time with each other whenever we could.
She's enigmatic, and I just couldn't get enough of her. And I don't know what she found so interesting about me, but she never left.
I remember the first time we fought. I forgot to go to her event, which was very important to her. We fought for hours, and I just kept making excuses. So she ended it with a slap. I was surprised, but... It was well deserved. I thought, "Surely she'd leave me." but she didn't. It took me a while to earn her forgiveness, but when I finally did, it was heaven. She was smiling and talking to me again. We even went in an awesome date, watching movies and eating at different restaurants. And the date ended with kisses.
She was sweet and gentle, nibbling on my lip from time to time. Her touch made me feel accepted and cleansed. That's when I knew. I really love her.
I woke up to a cold bed. I've got no work today, but she does. My day already feels awful. She's gone before I even woke up. I never even got to say good bye. I groggily begin my day. Do my morning chores, prepare my break fast, eat. That's when I noticed. She still hasn't eaten her share of the sushi. I can feel my stomach twist and turn. My chest tightens. I am absolutely terrified at this point. Did I do something again? I must have. Why is she still angry? How can I make her forgive me? Did I forget anything else?
The thoughts don't stop their haunting. My day went by fast. I could barely get myself to do more than what I'm required to do. I could barely get myself to eat. I get notifications from my friends, but I don't pay attention to them. I don't care about what they have to say.
It's almost time for her to come home so I prepare food for her. I worry, is she alright? Is everything going to be alright? A few minutes passed. Then 3 hours. She isn't home yet. I called her phone a couple of times but she would just put it down. Im crying now, body shaking. 4 hours passed and she finally comes home. Drunk. I try helping but she just pushes me away.
"Honey, what's wrong" I sob out.
"What's wrong?! What's fucking wrong is that YOU, keep putting your friends first over me!! ALWAYS. YOU COULD HAVE APOLOGIZED, BUT NOOOO. YOU TALKED TO THAT DAMN NIKOLAI FIRST. " Im shocked. I didn't mean to neglect her.
" AND I BET YOU'RE GOING TO CANCEL OUR ANNIVERSARY TRIP JUST SO THAT YOU CAN GO TO HIS PARTY. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. " My tears won't stop, she's wrong. I wont cancel our plans. I wont. I help her get to the bedroom, as she resists, pushing and scratching.
As I lay her on the bed, she begins to cry gently.
"If you want to leave, then just do it. Don't play your games with me. "
She's wrong, I never want to leave her. I take her shoes off, remove her accessories and hair ties and cover her with the blanket. I go to the bathroom to check my scratches. I've got three scratches on my neck. As I stare deeper at my reflection, the more I feel disgust. I've hurt the woman I love. I've neglected her. I sob into my hands. How could I have possibly messed this all up so much?
I fix everything I could and make sure the doors are locked properly. I gently lie on the bed, trying not to disturb her. This time, I don't care if I get slapped or punched. I hug her tight and let my tears fall.
"I love you! I can't lose you. I can't live without you! " I whisper, still crying.
"Im so so sorry for everything. For neglecting you. For being so careless. Please. Don't leave me. I'll change, I'll be whatever you need and want, just please don't leave. " I kiss her forehead. " I love you. "
And the world goes dark, I've fallen asleep.
Today's Saturday. I don't work on weekends. I'm awake, but I don't want to open my eyes just yet, because I know she isn't beside me. I don't want to wake up just yet, because Im alone. But I give in. I can't stay in my bed forever, even if I wanted to, so I leave the bedroom, ready to start my day with a heavy heart. I noticed a letter on the kitchen table. A letter from her.
Hey Johann.
The sushi tastes good, so does the dinner you made. Thanks. Let's watch netflix later. Love you.
Danielle
Tears fall down like a water fall. She didn't leave. She did not leave me. The hole in me immediately filled up, my morning became colorful. I am happy.