It makes me mad. So mad. It makes me furious that after all this time I still love you. I still think about you. How come emptiness feels so heavy? Why did it hurt so much? You just changed your name. That’s it. And just like that it hit me like a bullet. It hit me that time will never go back and that was the last time I saw you and heard your voice.
I wish I had known. I wish I had known that would be it. Instead of keeping quiet I would have told you how much you meant to me and how much I wanted to hold you tight. It hurts because by now I should just be free. That’s the only thing I want. To be free. And yet, you don’t seem to let me go. My heart won’t let me go. Because between us felt right. It felt right to think about us in bed. Maybe that’s why I could never imagine myself doing it with anyone else. But I guess the mind plays tricks on you. Mine sure did.
I keep staring at the ceiling late at night, I can’t sleep. You won’t leave my side. I keep wishing for you to come looking for me and look me in the eyes. That’s all you had to do and I would give you my all again. Do you know what scares me the most? That I won’t be able to get pass you. That I continue on trying to find you among the crowd. Ru, have you forgotten?