Hours, days, weeks have gone by since the last time I heard your voice and felt your fingers touching my skin, caressing my hair and embracing my soul.
There are so many things I left unsaid. The words I wish to say to you reach my throat all at the same time wanting to be heard, but you’re not here to listen. So I keep repeating them to myself, hoping to ease their pain, hoping to give them some comfort because I know how lonely it feels to live inside of me.
So time goes by and I wander aimlessly through these now empty rooms and dark corridors inside of my mind, tucked away in the memories of our good times, re-living the dialogues, rewinding and changing our ending. Because this isn’t the end, is it? You have my world in reverse on your hands.
But in my heart there’s darkness once more and I can physically feel the happiness and joy slipping through my fingers, just like you did. You came and you went, and I stayed, wishing I could flip the switch inside me and just feel nothing. Wishing to kill this lingering hunger for your smile, your body, your warmth and your soul.
I’ve accepted that you’re not here right now. I’ve been coping with your absence, focusing all my attention on everything else I have going on keeping my mind from wandering too much because if I don’t, even for just a second, I’ll just go on a downhill spiral like always and this time, you’re not going to be here to call my name. You wont be here for me to focus on you and calm down.
Oh, how I wished you'd never left.