Do you know what it likes to be tortured by your own mind?
There's a voice in my head telling me these things:
You are not good enough.
No one cares about you.
They are fake and just pretending.
People hates you. Nobody loves you.
You can disappear and no one will notice.
And I am...
Sick of crying, tired of trying;
Inside, I am dying.
I can't live with myself anymore.
I tried so hard to lose it all.
I wear a mask for so long
Pretending nothing is going wrong.
With a smile on my face,
No one noticed the sadness I feel.
If you read my mind
you'd be in tears.
But you won't understand
why I feel this way.
I've got a war in my mind
and they are winning me.
But I think It's better
to just let them be.
Too many thoughts...
I often stare at the dark ceiling.
And then I feel
that same old empty feeling.
Everyone has their own monsters in their head and you might be feeling down or depressed because of them. But YOU just have to tame them. I know it's hard, it feels like the sadness will last. But you just have to live with it.
People often say "It will be okay." But maybe for you, it doesn't feel that way.
You hide your sadness with that mask you're wearing. You're pretending your happiness with that fake smile of yours.
But you cannot fool your eyes, for pain is written all over it. You cannot control your tears, for they continue to flow even without you knowing it.
Because fake happiness is the worst sadness.
Why would you fake your happiness anyway? Why do you have to smile when you're hurting? Why do you have to pretend that everything is fine? Why do you have to wear that pretentious mask?
For what? To hide your weak personality? To learn how to be happy? To hide your broken self? So that you won't bother anyone?
Then tell me, does it work? Does faking your happiness help you? Damn, of course it's not! You'll just experience more sadness. Because you're not really happy and you will never be happy if you won't release that sadness in your soul.
Let it out. Let all of those depressing and sad and lonely thoughts out. If you have to cry loudly in front of anyone just for you to feel better, then do it. If you have to scream just to let that crappy thought out of you, then scream and shout as loud as you can. Ignore that cruel society, forget those people who talk sh*ts behind your back, don't chase those people who never appreciated the real you and remove those people who never care for your existence. Because if you don't do it, you will fall into an endless hole where you could never escape.
I know it is not easy. I know it is painful for you. And I know that you don't want to feel that sadness and insecurities anymore.
You want to end the pain, right?
Then live. Survive. It doesn't matter if you're just breathing and not really living. You just have to survive and live. The darkness may seem so endless and infinite but you just have to walk through it for you to see the light. You may not be fine and well right now, but you will. Maybe not today, but the time will come.
And then, you'll meet someone who is willing to be with you no matter how painful you've been through. You'll meet that someone who will accept you and your scars. You will meet that someone who will look into your eyes and will say "I know you're not okay." And if you want to feel it, then be strong enough to survive each day no matter how hard it is.. You cannot create any great breakthroughs without any break downs.
And just in case nobody told you this today, it's okay to not be okay. And you are enough. You don't need to wear that mask anymore because you're beautiful just the way you are. You don't need to hide those scars and marks because they are the ones that make you unique. You are loved and you are not definitely alone. You are wonderful and will always be.