DEAR ANONYMOUS

Dear Anonymous,

Hi I’m nobody. Nobody means you remain hidden in the corner of a room and yet no one will notice you. It means that when the time comes that I’ll be gone, no one will not even find me. No one will ask “where did she go?”, ”What happened?”, or even “How is she doing?”. Maybe when I say goodbye, people will probably ask, “Oh how come I don’t know her?”. It’s because I was never worth the effort.

For the nth time I doubted myself again. I doubted my ability and my personality. There is this one occasion, I recognized many people with their faces and their names. You wanna know what hurts? It hurts that I’ve been there a lot, I’ve known them for too long and yet they don’t even know my name. They don’t even know that I’ve spent my Saturdays with them a couple of times. It hurts ‘cause I really feel like I’m a ghost just passing by people’s lives. Again, I’m nobody.

We haven’t met yet, but I honestly miss you already. There’s a longing inside of me that makes me want to cry on your shoulders. Sadness envelopes me over and over again. There’s this huge gift that my mom and dad (along with my sis and brother-in-law) bought just for me: A brand new laptop. I felt guilty. I don’t deserve luxury in this world. I don’t deserve to have such wonderful parents. Where are you at this moment? Are you awake and thinking of me too? Are you fast asleep? Are you working? Are you studying? Are you… alone?

This may sound pathetic, but I really want to meet you sooner. I need someone who’ll understand. It’s hard to shake off the feeling of being ignored. It’s hard to be lonely when you’re not alone at all. I have my mom and dad, but they do not deserve to carry my burdens and unimportant feelings. I love them too much. Who knows? Maybe I love you too.

See you soon,

Kristine