You probably hate me by now, but for some reason you are my pain killer, the person who puts my heart at ease when overwhelmed with pain or worry. Although you are a real person, you are, my friend, only in my head. So I imagine venting out my pain and thoughts to you, having no idea if in real life you would be as understanding and warm as in my imaginations. But anyway, grab a seat, I will - as usual - imagine my venting out.
I am sad dear friend, overwhelmed with the pain some stupid guy caused, I made a bad bad choice, but it was my choice though, so I have to bare the consequences. You might think I chose him over you, but I didn't, I just chose him, because to me you are my friend, or actually because I was scared that you only wanted to be friends, and I can't have that kind of pain again, I hesitated a lot, but eventually I cut you off. So back to venting, I ended up being hurt real bad anyways, and if we were real friends I would tell you how mistreated and neglected I was, a manipulator with a cold heart who only know my worth after I was done and long, long gone. And If that is of any consolidation I have always known your worth, how great person you are, but I couldn't shake that we are just friends at the time, we can't go beyond that.
I keep wondering if I was just scared that we indeed do go beyond that. Honestly, I can't tell which is more true now. Something keeps drawing me closer to you and something inside me is too scared of what is yet to come.
But either way my dear friend you should know you have a great smile, one glimpse at it and I realize life is good. Keep smiling dear friend :)