Dear John,

February 14, 2014, the day and year I gave John something that came from my heart. a special cupcake with icing and sprinkles on top of it and coated with love, sincerity, motivation, inspiration, admiration, loyalty, trust, craziness, and a die-hard fan of me to him.

Why do I love John? simply because he is tall and handsome as hell, he is so bad but he does it so well like what Taylor Swift sang from her lyrics. he is also masculine, manly, has a broad shoulder and abs, a basketball player and also a dancer. Even though his bad boy I love his imperfections, wrongdoings or worst that he does. Even I don't know what is that.

John was my first love but he doesn't love me back. despite of that, I still really love him from my deepest heart. I never hide my feelings to him. Even my mother, friends and family knows about it, I am always vocal about my feelings towards him. And I always say what I feel and his name makes me blush every time I say it or hear it.

People change, feelings change, loves change, but for me, he is the only one that I want to marry and even he is not the one for me, I'd rather not to marry to anyone or anybody.

John accepted what my classmate said to him, because I said that so. I just asked a permission to give him a cupcake even just for this February 14. I will be happy giving him something sweet and efforts to eat. Yeah, I am really happy that time because he accepted me, the cupcake I will give to him rather.

Before that, the peers of John were my close classmates back then. their names are Angelbert and Jeremy. I accompany them to give their cupcakes in their love of their life. we walk in Gr.8 and Gr.9 area. We search for their girlfriends to give them the special cupcake with icing they created on a special day February 14.

When they are done giving them cupcake with icing on top, we decide to go back again in our classroom because I will do what the purpose of the cupcake in my hand. And give this to John, my like, my crush, my love, and also my first heartbeat in so-called love.

And when I saw him from afar, I ready my self, I breathe in breath out. I put the powder on my face and perfume in my hand, neck, and clothes.

Angelbert said to me that he will take the responsibility to give the cupcake for John. But I said "I can do it"

I go near him, five steps away from John. I gave the cupcake I made for him, and he just walks away. No thank you, no smile, no gladness in his eyes and no sign of gratitude. He just walks away instead.

I was speechless, there are no words came out from my mouth. My amazing and luxuriance thoughts pop and fade like bubbles.

I just thought to my self that I should be happy because he still accepted it. At least I feel the thunder whenever I am near to him. It's dangerous but it gives me light even just for a second.

My February 14 supposed to be happy was gone wrong. I heard that he didn't eat the cupcake and he gave it to someone else. I guess they are just playing the prank on me. And my heart is like it has cobra snakebite a thousand times. it really hurts and the sorrow that I feel was poisonous.

Later on, I realized that I should be happy again. Because I know deep inside me that I take a risk, exert efforts, showed how much I treasured him also I proved to my self that I am not a scoundrel to my feelings, also not a stubborn one. And if he does not love me or even like me, I know someday I will get over him and I am free to love someone again and he will surely love me back.

Dear John,

You are my man but I guess I am not your girl.