Death is beautiful. Letting go is beautiful, just getting away from all of the white noise is beautiful. It is beautiful to escape, to leave and to never come back, to become another face who is lost in the oblivion of a million other forgotten faces and to get away from everything.
I am not going to lie and say that it never entered my mind.. thinking about ending it all, escaping from everything and finding solace in the arms of the dark unknown and just one day exploding into the grenade that I have always been and leaving many casualties behind.
Some of you would care after I am gone, some of you would think about me when you don't see me, some of you will continue to find me in every other girl you meet but.. But each one of you would move on, my face would be a distant memory and my memory with you would be just one experience which you had out of your many little legacies which you would one day tell your kids about.
So why do I continue to live? Just for the mere sake of survival or for a greater unknown purpose?
I live to see the world everyday,
I live for the mere thought of relishing life,
to be able to see the colours of the butterfly landing on that cute petunia by the window,
to be able to experience the glint of your eyes when you speak about your passion,
to be able to see how the how the boy next door's face lights up as he confides in me about how he wants to become a punk and rebel when he grows up,
to be able to see the crinkle of my dad's eyes whenever he talks about my childhood,
to be able to play with my brother after we fought as if we were present in the battlefield and the blood of the opponent could only be the nectar which satisfies our quench,
to be able to see, to be able to cherish the feeling when my dog rubs his paws on my leg and asks to be cuddled with,
to be able to relish my mom screaming at me for my own good and then holding me in her arms so that I don't feel bad,
to be able to still enact the weirdest scenarios possible with my best friend and to be able to still tease my crush with my own name,
to be able to see how your smile reaches to your eyes, making them tiny as you laugh with that goofy grin..
I continue to live because I have a million reasons not to die and because even though the world is a shitty and fucked up place... The people who come along make it just that great!