Equanimous Peace

equanimous
/ɪˈkwanɪməs,iːˈkwanɪməs/
adjective
calm and composed.

I'm sitting at the airport after checking my baggage in and completing the formalities while the clock seems to move in an eerily slow manner when the seat next to me gets occupied and I continue to read my book with an umbrella of my short hair forming a seemingly secure fortress of privacy and successfully hiding his face from mine. I marvel at how life works out and begin to count seconds to pass the time till the boarding announcement is made and I get away from him before I'm forced to talk to him.

It's been ten years and I've stopped missing him just as people do when time heals all the wounds. However knowing that he is sitting right next to me seems strange and weird for some reason. I hope he doesn't recognise me or atleast tries to block my existence out like I had been doing since he arrived but oh well my life could never be that simple now, could it?

"you look great you know"

"ah thanks"

"so how's life?"

"like a roller coaster and a myriand of emotions."

" you hurt me naomi, don't be so heartbroken!  it's okay to feel intimated by your ex - soul mate/ boyfriend sitting next to you, you know?"

I see his expression of mock disbelief and pompousness with a glint of a smile that reached to his eyes and tugged the corner of his lips in the process and smile back with an equally make believe and cheesy  come back.

If you had asked me to hypothetically put my self in the situation of my future self and guess my reaction, I would not even have blinked once before blurting out that I would have jabbed my car keys in his groin, used my book as a weapon to dislocate his jaw, punched him in the face to ensure he had a beautiful black eye as a reminder of messing with me and would have sealed the deal by pouring my hot as fuck coffee over his unapologetic head as the icing of the cake.

Strangely, the thought of reacting the same way didn't even occur once in my head and I knew what closure meant at that moment itself. I no longer had the lump in my throat which was my defence mechanism to keep myself from crying as my mother had conditioned me to do. Neither did I feel as if I was choking and the whole world was closing in on me anymore.

He'd always be a chapter in the story of my life and I had come to be at peace with the reality of the situation because you write your own story and you cannot finish it until and unless you move on to the next chapter

"hello??????? Back to earth naomi!" did you just zone my existence out?

The announcement of my name being called out broke me through my daze along with his dramatic gesticulation and I found myself smiling wide. I grinned and hugged him, asked him to catch up and wished him to get what he deserved. It's funny how life changes you for the better when you think you'll never make it out of the seemingly endless heartbreak and loneliness.

I kept smiling the whole way with my book clutched to my chest as I made way to write the next chapter of my life.