I am slowly taking control of my emotions. I am slowly gaining control of my fears and insecurities. Yes, they still visit me at sleep, they still toy me in my fantasies but I am more capable now. I am more capable of giving them less attention.Less appreciation.
I have to do it or else it will destroy me. I have to go against my feelings or it will overpower me. I have to just give a try. It won't kill me. I won't allow it.
I won't let people take advantage of my kindness. I have to plan my every move moving forward. I am not afraid to lose anything again. I've done enough for them. I will survive. I know it for sure.
Starting over is always difficult but it's worth trying. Rather than staying with the same flow for 10 years and getting but stress and disappointments. I need fresh air to gasp. New people to entertain apart from myself. I need new room to grow. I need new love to blossom.
Falling inlove is easy. But falling out of love is scary. And it gets me every single day. I no longer care. And I guess it's good for my head. Becasue the less I care, the less I overthink. And I guess it's healthy. Just to focus on my own. My own desires and goals.
Life taught me how to be patient but it also taught me how to be tough. I learned it the hard way. All the things I've done, all the sacrifices and assistance I've done all the people around me, I'm done.
I used to believe that love is sacrifice but I guess it doesn't require human blood. I don't want to see myself bleeding over and over just because they can't love me back the way I am supposed to be loved. Then I decided to create my own terms and rules. And if they can't live up to my expectations, then it's not worth keeping.They aren't worth my time. My precious time.
At this point of my life, I only wish peace and harmony. I don't wish to have a fat wallet or bulky savings. I don't need fancy things and brilliant lifestyle. I'd rather keep it simple and stay lowkey.Why? Because life is too short to waste, I just want to be simply happy.
The least that I want now is pressure and obligation. I just want to be free from all of that. I want to do things on my own without the pressure of being marked by my actions. Without living a numbered life. I want to be that kind of person. I want to be me. To follow my own decisions without thinking anything.
I feel sorry for all the things I've done in the past but I can no longer rewrite the stars so I just have to deal with it. I can't take back what has been lost . All I need to do is reflect from it. And use it as a tool to do better next..