Depression

I kept my mouth shut. I don't trust anyone easily. It's so hard to open up. I put up walls. I lost my smile. I've changed.

Some days, I just feel like turning off my phone, packing up my things, leaving without saying a word and going ghost for a few weeks.

I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I don't like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don't care, but I really do. I'm a conflicted contradiction. If I can't figure myself out, there's no way anyone else has.

I'm sorry for all the people I'm closed with. For all the messages, the asking of how I am, the motivational words you just keep on sending that didn't get a replies. I know you're thinking that I'm a snob. I changed. I didn't reply as fast as what I'm used to before. I'm just so tired of explaining. I'm so tired of lying that I'm ok. I'm sorry I lost my interest in connecting with people. I'm sorry I felt like a ball of sadness and I don't want you to feel it.

Thank you for the ones who notice the storms in my eyes, the silence in my voice and the heaviness in my heart.

You choose to understand me, with or without problems. I know that you also have problems of your own but still think of the best word to say just to make me feel better. I appreciate that.

Thank you because you never left.