Depression and the one I'm trying to love

When a person enters your life that you love so badly and then on the hand you have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, it so difficult to handle both!! People say that people who are depressed or anyone who is sad or anxious or suicidal or with any illness should have someone by their side as they need support.
But what do we do when we feel so guilty or bad for troubling them every minute by crying or telling them that we self-harm when we are angry every time?
I started getting this feeling when I was in school and then I stopped talking with all my friends. I never told them what I went through because I felt like I’m disturbing and troubling them. School finished, college started and this guy entered my life from nowhere!!
It’s been 1 year and 6 months and I still cry and feel bad that because of me he is having trouble and disturbance as I only cry or slap or hit myself or pull my hair. He has only heard me cry or feel bad!! I keep telling him that he deserves better and not a person like me as I’m full of negativity and he will one day reach his limits and then leave me.
Depression is just the worst friend that we get!! We are not able to give the love back, always anxious and doubtful of what will happen. I know I haven’t been able to love him and give back the same care, trust, patience to him. I try my best to pretend that I’m happy and that there is nothing called depression in my life, and I’m completely alright and fine.
I just want to say to this person who has not left me till now that I’m a huge trouble and disturbance and very sorry for that, I’m trying my best to get over it but I feel like I have such endless, hopeless days ahead, I’m scared to let you inside this mess of my life. I love you so much but,
I’m really sorry!!