I'm hungry.
My body cries for food, for something to work.
But I need to be strong - strong so I can become what I want.
Skinny.
My body is about to faint, but my mind still says: Don't eat!
I want to eat, really, but I can't.
Every bite, every piece, every calorie counts.
I see how the scale is getting lower - I'm happy.
But only minutes later I start thinking - What should I eat today?
Afte I ate - what should I eat next?
The time between the meals is pain - hunger.
The whole day is about food.
My whole mind is focused on food.
I love food - but I hate it.
Every day I fight.
But there are days where I lose.
Lose against the hunger - binging.
I can't stop eating.
I need to try everything.
I'm full.
Full of food - and regrets.
Why did I do this?
Now I've gained weight again.
I can't puke - I'm afraid of that.Everything what I've done so far is lost.
Fuck.
Laying in bed all day.
Depressed.
I hate myself - I'm weak - I'll never reach anything.
Maybe it helps, when I cut myself?
Blood - It reminds me that I'm still alive when I see it.
Somebody help me!
God, if you're there, please let me be skinny tomorrow, when I wake up.
So I don't have to struggle with this anymore - so I can be happy.
I promise, I'll do anything for it, I'll give you my life.
Next morning.
Nothing's changed.
WHY GOD?! Why don't you hear my prayers?
Trying again.
What should I eat?
It goes on and on.
More failures than wins.
Years go by.
Wasted years.
Nothing reached.
I'll try again.
Failure.
Devils circle.