Dilemma

It's nine pm and I'm not surprised that I haven't received your text yet. It's been more than 48hours since I shut you out, albeit it seems like an eternity. I've written exactly 3 letters addressed to you since Monday. You have already received one of them and I got your letter soon after.

The way things are going I think I'll  become insane soon. My mind is not in the right place. Two extreme emotions have taken over me, its either happiness in it's supreme prime state or mental breakdown at it's peak. I don't know why I shed tears at the thought of not being able to talk to you, it's not like we have ever met. We were not supposed to be like this. I guess after a long and tiring day if I could come back to you, then nothing else mattered. But now even while the day is still going on I have no urge to keep going. I wanna give up.
*It's too hard to stay awake and I just want to dream away my days.* *Dreams*
The prime topic of our conversations, aah good old days. Those days are in the past now. I could only dream to be with you. My conscience keeps telling me to stop, to stop with this bullshit right away, but I'm not in charge here. I'm not able to channel my feelings the right way. One moment I'm too depressed to move a muscle, lying on the left side of my bed wondering whether I did the right thing. I know it's the right thing but does the heart get what it wants? I guess not. Another moment I forget all about these pity feelings and feel happy day dreaming about a fantastical world with you and me  in it. Just "you and I" for those are the only two people who matter in my fantasies. Haha I'm laughing now. This confusion, this dilemma, it's fucking the fuck out of me.
One good thing has come out of this, my heart seems shattered (:not literally, I still feel blood pumping through my veins and my heartbeat still rises when I read our old text messages:) and that has given me a reason to write again. As a writer I prefer this state. Creative juices flowing through my veins as I feel the pressure of not being able to talk to you, not being able to call you, to meet you in person for the first time, to see your ridiculously bright grin. Well whatever this is my story and I'll write it the way I want but you are still the center of my plot. I want a plot twist, you got yours already.
You know what, I hate love stories, they are boring with same old character traits and clichéd plot. The ending is easily predictable, the love interests either have a happily ever after or one of the character dies in the end. :) Okay I don't want you to die.
Hey who wants a fucking boring age old love story when one can write a futuristic sci-fi, horror-comedy? You see there are too many genres to explore and romance is the one where I'm least experienced and I don't even like love stories but maybe I'll still write one for you. You deserve it but it will be too late by then. You'll be long gone and I'd be chasing dust. I don't know what else to say, I'll end it here. I hope you don't turn into a dark sadistic loner. Please be nonchalant okay?
Bye.