I came into this world
Realizing I was different
But something left me hurt
Every time I saw them
Who were they?
My family
My friends
Or my own innate nature
Of being caught in a dilemma of
My mind and heart
My brother always told me
I was dusky
I know I was
But didn’t he realize how much it hurt me?
My mother told me my cousin sis is better than me
Was it because of her fair complexion or
Good English skills?
What to do?
I couldn’t hurt my mother or brother
By telling them that their words hurt me
Oh God! I love them so much!!
My heart says they are your family
My mind says value yourself
My cousin sis told me I am crazy
I don’t have a mind
She always complained
That my mother is just tolerating me
My heart says don’t hurt her
Coz God wants you to not hurt anyone
My mind says value yourself
Oh God! I love her so much
My father treats me like a five year old child
Condemns me in front of relatives and
Tells me what to do and what to not
But how could I tell him?
Please don’t do this
I am a sixteen year old and
Have my own opinion
My heart says don’t tell him
He’s just a little more concerned about you
My mind says grow up and have an opinion
Oh God! I love him so much
My aunt says speak to your mother politely
I say to her I do
But sometimes when I am angry
Or tired
I show my sass to her
She thinks I don’t love my mother
But how could I explain her
That I love her more than you
My heart says
Shut your mouth and don’t tell her anything
Let her think what she thinks
My mind says justify yourself
And speak harshly or lovingly and tell her
That you love your mother
I don’t know
What to do?
Now they think I am too harsh to them
I just want to tell them
I haven’t stopped loving them
I have just stopped showing them
Coz they are the reason
Of my odd nature
The reality of my words is too cheeky
And not telling them makes them freaky
I don’t know
What to do?
Still caught in the dilemma
Whether to tell them or not?
Listen to my mind or heart?