My mind is a mesh. Of thoughts , of possibilities , of dreams , of things that could have happened but never will, of promises that were done but never kept. Sometimes I wish i could fast forward a few years from now and see if something good or remotely exciting or desirable is going to happen because right now its a stand still. Right now all I can do is anxiously wonder. I wish to see if I ever could go to that beautiful place i always wanted to go to and get lost with my beloved by my side, if I still was best friends with my current best friends,if I ever get to have kids, if yes then how many? Was I happier, wiser, could I pursue my passions, did i do a good job at keeping others happy and stay so myself too?
But what if I were to die sooner than I think? What if in my desire to fast forward a few years , i would lose the precious time i get to spend with my parents ? What if they are not around then? For all I could know, people would kill each other over cows, self claimed God-men, intolerance and so on. World may cease to exist. And i would neither have the future nor the present ,which i am so efficiently wasting on things that happened and things that will happen. I am wasting time thinking about things that are not in my control. I can keep myself busy, I can shed tears occasionally. I can keep pushing people out and hence complain later that I have no one to talk to. I can cancel meeting my friends who actually care about me. I can lie on bed and stare at the ceiling all day and all night long. Nothing can keep me going because I am stuck . Stuck at the dull , incomplete, uneventful life of mine. These things make me realize, " Shouldn't i focus on one day at a time?" I should look forward to that cup of coffee, i should do my best at making an omelette , i should write "Hello World" in my console while programing and feel happy even though it's a child's play, I could focus on making people around me feel happy and good and take interest in things that are currently being done. Who knows what's in store for tomorrow? What if we get swallowed by a big giant black hole in a few seconds. "Do small things with great love" someone said. Sure, I am trying ..
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