Emotional Derailment

"Please listen to me! I plead for your attention, please, p.p.pl.." she broke down in front of the mirror. The mirror had never been her good friend, her heart was looking for solace for a long time. She was just 23 and she felt as if everything came to an end. Her life resembled a machine where she woke uP, brushed her teeth and sat down to write! Deep inside her heart was crying every day, every single day she had to wear that smile on her face. It was not that she never got a chance to express her thoughts, but still, there was something which she couldn't just express. Something unsaid, something bitter which had completely baffled her mind. She knew she wanted to say many things, but the fear of losing that person was still in her mind. She thought "What if he fails to understand my thoughts and decides to detach himself from me??" - She was foolish, she never knew that for him too it was painful, to see his love cry in pain every day!

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"Please listen to me! Please don't go, Dev you have to listen to me please." suddenly she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, it was a dream, it was an everyday dream that haunted her. Things had become too much for her now, she needed a final break from this everyday emotional derailments. 

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She took out her laptop and decided to write a letter, a letter to the man who understood her without any question.

"Dear Dev,

It's been a long tough time, when it all started I have no idea. But the fact that things have been piling on me like a heavy mass of cloud is kind of killing me everyday. I feel strange, I feel good when I am with you, in your arms, but as soon as I leave you and walk back home, something creeps on me like a supernatural element. I feel heavily guarded with emotions that are not healthy! I have everything in my life, a family, a roof over my head, food to keep me strong and a caring partner to feel the essence of love. Yet, I feel empty from inside. It never happens every day, suddenly I get these emotional attacks. I noted the time, and it basically happened when I am  idle or not doing anything. I tried to work out and solve it, but after an hour it again got hold of me.

Things started haunting me, from that first emotional bang I got from Ahli to that strange behaviour you did on the road , from that late-night fights between my parents, also that unnecessary hatred I got from people! What was my fault?? Why am I being pushed into this phase?? What was my fault?? I just loved people without any reason, then why people hated me?? Even my best friend, I know initially I ignored her, but when I understood my fault I did everything to get her back! Then why she never reverted back?? Why the people whom I considered my family decided to blame me for everything that happened??

You would say that "Why are you allowing it to hamper your mood?? I never did what they said, I always stood by your side! Then what is it??"

I don't  know baby, I feel that I am going inside a deep cave, where there is no light. 
I am ending this letter on an abrupt note as I myself am clueless about my life. I am not blaming anyone for this, neither am I going to take a nasty step! I will fight, I will fight against this strange feeling and I will defeat it. The power of faith and hope is much stronger than anything else. I will fight till my last breath, all I need is your support.

Your-

Love....