It’s funny how each time I put myself in a position were I get my heartbroken, and promise myself each time that I’ll be wiser next time and that I’ll never get hurt again. And, every time I meet someone new, I tell myself he’s different and that of course he won’t hurt me.
But, over the years, I have come to realise that nothing, nothing lasts forever and that getting hurt is inevitable, especially if I put my heart in the hands of a guy.
I’ve had enough of reading quotes empowering and giving hope to people to find their one true love, because honestly, I have lost all hope. Yet, I do believe in love and I do believe it’s the most beautiful discovery one can make.
I’ve never asked for much in my life, I must admit that I get easily satisfied with what I have. I only asked for some compassion, some affection, was that a lot to ask? Someone who would understand me and would like me for my weirdness. Someone who would love me even though I am my own enemy and do not love myself.
I am not perfect and never thought I was. I don’t have a fare skin nor a perfect body. I’m not blond, and my eyes are not coloured. I’m okay I guess, not what you might be looking for, but i know I’m not ugly neither.
I have brown hair, and hazel eyes that turn greenish in the sun. I’m silly, a bit wild and savage. I don’t like following rules, I like to be free, and I do whatever runs through my head. I have no moral compass pointing to north, a bohemian soul as my mother would say.
Even though I do not show it, I’m very shy and insecure and that’s why I never like talking about true self because I do believe that no one will truly accept me for who I am.
I love art in all it’s forms and I guess that my artistic spirit makes me quite hard to understand.
I have nothing special, I’m just an okay girl.
But, if there’s one good thing in me, it’s that I have a big heart, and I loved you with every single bit of it.
Falling for you wasn’t what I planned to do in my life. Nonetheless, you have come into my life as my path in love is doomed, I madly fell in love of you.
I was tired of getting hurt and used the excuse that I am leaving to protect myself from relationships. I was trying to protect myself because I knew I couldn’t handle one more scar on my heart. I was tired of feeling foolish and feeling like I let myself getting used.
But you came, and even though I did not need any home but my skin and bones, I have found in you the comfort I had never found elsewhere. I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and mend them again to be able to offer it to you. If I just knew what I was going for.
I’ve never let anyone bring me down… or at least covered it up. Always walked my head up high, always acted confident even when it wasn’t the case and all I wanted was to cry. I dried those tears off my eyes and kept on going.
As you felt, I felt nothing but lost. Again, I had led myself in this situation but this time is a different… you were different.
We seemed like the perfect match but matches burn. Maybe our love was too wild too last, and that’s why it died young. It ended so soon that the taste of your cigarette stained lips didn’t have the time to leave mine. Then again, you are the only one who has ever managed to appreciate me as the person I really am, and not someone I wasn’t. I let you see all the parts of me, even the ugliest and my flaws turned out to be what you loved the most about me.
I don’t think you were using me, because unless you’re a good actor, your eyes seemed quite honest to me. Maybe you weren’t in love of me and that’s okay, love is not something you choose it something that pops out of nowhere and makes your world go upside down. Yet, I do believe that I meant something to you, even if compared to my feelings, yours were meaningless. I truly believe you are genuinely good at heart and that your intention was definitely devastate me.
I wish things would’ve taken another turn because I think things could’ve worked out between us. You are the most different guy I have met and I will never forget you. I’ll never forget how special you made me feel, nor the pressure of your skin against mine. You made me realise that someone could appreciate me for who I am and that’s something I am eternally grateful. Though you tore me apart, you made me understand that maybe, just maybe I’ll mean something to someone someday, and made me start hoping again.
You are worth every pain, every tear and every hard moment I had to go through.
You are the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me, and even though I’ll just be one of your girls from the past, I will never forget you. Not if I wanted to, not if I could. You mean a lot, but I know that I have to let you go because the right kind of love is the one that lets go. I’ll keep our memories in my heart just like photographs in albums. I hate fairytales because all I wanted was something that’s going to last, even though it wasn’t going to last forever, not a happy ending. I gave you all I had, and now that I’m left sparkling and broken all that I can wish for is for you to be happy.
Everything’s going to be okay anyways. Someday I will be okay.