Darkness everywhere. I'm kissing the butt of my cigar. Tasting the edge of death. I'm looking at the black night. It's cold. I am watching the stars trying to show me their light. It's pathetic.
The good days are all gone. I can hear the midnight bird singing an old song. It's scary but I am not scared. They can eat me.I am all dead inside. I can hear the shouting engine of cars from afar.They are tempting me to walk but I am so naked. I can't show them my flesh. It's all dirty.
I can feel the cold air kissing me. Licking my senses. Pulling me to the depths of my thought. I am here all by myself. I am used to it but all of a sudden I feel so lonely. It's been like this since ages.
Time is slow. I wish I can push the clock so fast forward to my time of death. I don't want to kill myself but I want to see myself ending everything. I don't want to leave another trace of my unwanted grief.
Dogs are barking. Someone's passing. I can feel the footsteps approaching. I have to hide. I've been hiding since I was eleven. So I guess I can consider myself the master of pretending. Slowly, I closed the door. I shut it firmly. No one can enter my brain. I closed my eyes so I can see nothing. I covered my ears so I can head nothing.I choked myself so I cannot scream.
Everything is falling. Crashing right before my naked eyes.I am not dreaming. This is the reality of life. I am wasted and I am a mess but I am still alive. I don't have anything left to my name apart from my pride. I'm starving but I do not have the energy to lift my fingers. I just don't have it.
This is how I've been living my pathetic life. I am a nobody. I am a sin. I am a monster crawling in the dark. I am a parasite of love and attention. I am a whore of a killer.I lust for happiness and affection. I am sad.
I need to get some sleep. I need to treat myself with one sweet dream. But everytime I close my eyes, nightmare is always coming, running to me. Maybe I am getting crazier each day. Maybe I am getting mad because I don't know how to handle the aftermath of my own disaster. I am losing it.
I need some rest. I am so exhausted.