This time, let's talk about her. As a person she have a lots of fear. She have a lots of thoughts and it haunts her. She have a lots of trouble.
Until time comes, there is this person that she soon like. She found tranquility in him. When he is beside her, she just tell stories to him, he don't judge her. Turns out they are both crazy. She found a new friend.
As she begin to like him, she always wanted to tell him what she really is. She doubted it, she think she know him enough for her to not tell him what she is, and that was her mistake. She hope she tell him everything, so that today, it won't be hard and they wouldn't be here to where they are now. But she is a walking pain in the ass. She hurt him.
She hurt him, because she hurt herself. She hurt him, because she lied to herself. She hope he love her not because she love him. Her baggage from the past still haunts her, it weights her down. She become the toxic person she hated. She hated herself right now. Her mind is like a canvas but with a lots of unknown doodle or painting. Her mind is a mess. This is her problem, she have to fix alone. She need to do this alone. Atleast in this kind of battle she won alone.
She was once lost in her own path. She is a rotten soul, she breathe life but everyday she feel so drained. She felt emptiness inside her, maybe, she drown from her love for him.
Its hard to love someone when you couldn't even love yourself or help yourself to heal. Its hard to love someone when you haven't found yourself. You found him, maybe because to cheer you up. But this is your journey, you face it alone. He is always there to support her, but right now, she felt so alone.
Loneliness, she have it again. She feel this way before. Lost and alone. In her mind, the little girl inside her is still crying on her knees, trembling in fear and wishing to disappear or to run away. Only if she is wolf maybe she is far away from what she was running--toxic people, the pain, everything. Soon I wish she would found herself.
I will find myself. I need myself right now, I need to find me, so I can find him. I need to find me so I will not hurt anyone anymore. I am walking poison to every person that I valued or love. I wanted to become an inspiration too, maybe, it will happen when I found myself again.
Xoxo,
Kapono Moonblood