I have a life, a normal one. The things I do in it are the same as everyone does. But, one day, my routine changed. A homeless man, not more than 80 years old, pulled my sleeve and asked what I was doing. He was pale, edging death, in ragged clothes, carrying a cardboard and a piece of charcoal to write on it. After seeing that cardboard, I realized I knew this man; he sat by the corner of the street, wrote words of wisdom on his cardboard and waited for alms. Every day, like others, I ignored him, but never his wisdom. Today, however, he was not in his usual place. He was beside me holding his cardboard with some words scribbled on it, waiting for an answer. He stared at me with his bulging blue eyes and that sight numbed my body. For a second or two, I couldn't find an answer in my brain for what I was doing. Looking at my puzzled expression, he said, "Come with me, boy. Come!" I didn't know why I went after him, my feet carried me away.
Unable to digest the sudden change of things, I asked, "Where are you taking me?" He didn't budge to answer but shushed me. Fear was the only thing with me. But, a little further down the alley, I was in no need of anything to protect me. Because the alleyway opened to a beautiful farm with the sun setting on the horizon. It was peaceful. The evening warmth of the sun filled my void of fear with Hope. I said to myself 'If there is a God, he must be living here'.
To my surprise, the old man was not dirty anymore, he was pure. He pulled me to the centre of what looked like a wheat farm and turned around, "What is wrong with you, Gareth?" Wait, how did he know my name? was the first thing that popped in my head. But, I decided to say, "There is nothing wrong with me."
"Then, why are you so worried?"
"Because of you, of course."
"Not in here, but here." He touched my head then my chest.
Something heavy dropped in my heart. I couldn't carry my own weight, I crouched down. Not knowing why, and how, tears started to roll down my cheek. All the grief, all the pain I had kept holding onto burst into tears. There was no stopping it now. I heard myself scream Why, God? Why? But, I didn't know, not at that time, that He stooped, placed His hand around my shoulder and comforted me.
He said, "I saw your life, Gareth. I lived in it, through you. Yes, it was tough and cruel and sad. And, you came through all of that. But, I didn't know that you held on to your agony. You were so successful in hiding your deepest emotions that even me couldn't see past you." He helped me stand up, "Look, Gareth, Heaven, my place. What do you think of it?"
I mopped my face with my hands and glanced a clear view of Heaven, "It is beautiful, but seems lonely."
"Is it, now? But, don't you live alone in your apartment? Doesn't that seem lonely to you? Perhaps, if Heaven was like your apartment, you wouldn't feel lonely anymore." He waved his hand, and everything changed. The wheat disappeared, and wooden floor came under my feet, the sky was blocked by my apartment's ceiling and the cool breeze that had been grazing my hair was obstructed by the four walls. But, nothing was different, the apartment, too, felt lonely. He went on, "Loneliness, not only you, but everyone is afraid of, is a state of ecstasy to those who understand the fruits of being alone. For example, me. I am alone, have no one to talk to. But, I hear. I hear your prayers, your cries, your abuses and that keeps me sane. I see everything, from the blooming of the flowers to the collision of the stars, from the birth of a child to the death of his child, I have work. I keep myself busy in my solitude. Loneliness, gives you peace, freedom, and is an elixir of life. But, a human mind takes this solitude for granted and casts all its waste into it. Making it a curse that leads to Need, Want and Wish. The three powerful and detestable things that bars the Dream to never see the light. You wish, you want, you need so much that you forget to dream, and that is the reason Loneliness is feared for."
I sat in front of him with my legs crossed and opened ears, not missing a single word He was uttering. But, I couldn't understand how one can achieve such peace and freedom in their solitude when all I can think of was why did I do this and that. He must have read my mind because His next words were: "A rich man would want nothing but peace. But, he could never achieve it just because he wants it. A poor man needs money to be happy, that's what he thinks, but if he is happy with himself, he finds his serenity. But, only the one who dreams to be remarkable, happy, and good finds his peace in his Loneliness. He, thus, has nothing to be afraid of." As He was speaking, all my wishes, needs and wants ran in my mind. I wanted a girlfriend to make me happy, I needed a car to enjoy the drives, I wished to earn fame to become a celebrity, but I forgot my Dream. My Dream, to fly a plane, to touch the sky, as I wrote in my essay of My Dreams in my childhood. Tears started to fill my eyes again, but I paid heed to His words.
"Now, Gareth, what do you see?", he asked holding the cardboard in his hands. It was blank, to my amazement. How it was blank? I didn't know. "It is blank", I said. He grinned broadly and nodded his head. Puzzled, I asked, "But, there was something written on it before. how can it be blank, now?" He lowered his head and explained, "An ordinary man could see and find the words he wants to hear, but a peaceful man who wants nothing finds the cardboard as it is." I racked my brain around to understand this and finally, "So, that means, I am at..."
My words stopped midway, I was being sucked into the void, darkness surrounding me. I was falling face down, I can see the bottom, but I was not slowing down. I closed my eyes in the fear of hitting the floor hard. Suddenly, I woke up. I woke up in my bed, panting, sweating. But, something was different, and I knew what it was. I knew how I achieved it. Maybe, it was a dream and now, I know what to do with my Dream.