First Ever

I still remember that night vividly,
after several days of being chased madly,
it seemed that you had truly fallen for me.
So, I allowed myself to fall completely too.
I had never felt a high so high before,
and I did not want to hold my feelings inside any more.
"I fucking love you."
"I don't love you, I just wanna fuck you."

My brain told me to leave right away.
But my heart wanted to stay,
letting it go as a momentary indiscretion on your part,
or better still, a delusory manifestation of my drunken paranoia.
Isn't that what being a hopeless romantic is?
You choose heart over head, love over logic.
You never give up, and you keep on waiting
for your love to be returned.

I chose to stay, knowing that this wouldn't end well for me.
Did everything I could, so that you wouldn't leave.
But you left, without saying a word
causing the inhumane obliteration of my heart.
Came back in my life when you felt like,
gave me hope and shattered it all another night.
And when I started to become 'clingy',
all you said was "It's about time you moved on.."

So, this is me trying to get closure
and tossing you out of my life; it's finally over.
I hope that you would read this some day
and find yourself in it.
If and when that happens,
I want you to feel what I felt,
and realise that you did not deserve me,
and I did not deserve this.

My pain will go away slow.
I have to say this though;
Loving you was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.