Firsts

In the 14 years that I've been on this earth,I have not talked or engaged in a long or meaningful conversation with a girl in person. By that I mean any girl that isn't related to me. Until these last 3 to 4 months or so. September was my first soiree and so was the birth of my very first crush. She was pretty and she was sociable. Those 2 alone made her unapproachable. I had no shot at getting closer to her and so I gave up.

Soon after,I developed feelings for someone else. This girl, however, was different. She was beautiful,funny,approachable,smart and one of a kind. But again,these traits put her out of my league.

It might seem uninteresting to learn about someone else's experience with the opposite gender,so drop the phone if you find it boring. But I digress.

As much as I knew I didn't have a chance with this girl, I tried my hardest to somehow get closer to her. No,we never hung out or talked in person. I'm too shy for that and I don't have the courage to do so. I resorted to chatting with her every moment I could and my feelings for her developed. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted her to feel the same way I felt for her. Time passed and the progress was unnoticable. The day came when I finally confessed that I liked her and as expected, she didn't like me back. Thankfully,it didn't become awkward. We stopped talking for a bit because of the difference in the times when we would both go online. Eventually she messaged me and we started to become even closer than before. She seemed to have opened up to me and we became closer friends. I fell for her a second time. Maybe it was one time too many. On Christmas day,I told her that the snaps about the girl I didn't want to fall for again was referring to her. Her reply made it seem as if it was nothing. But being observant, I noticed changes in the way we chatted. Less emoji use, shorter chat times, and a change in atmosphere. It's like there was a barrier that had suddenly been rebuilt. It hindered me from talking to her. Confessing one too many times screwed over my long chats with her. I've already confirmed that I've lost my shot with her. I don't want to lose my friendship too. But no matter what happens, I'll be there to support her,encourage her,be her friend. Until the end of time. Always.

I know that might have seemed like the end,but this girl has been deemed so special in my life and yet somehow she's also the one who has hurt me the most. I was completely fine with an unrequited love but the fact that she almost completely disregarded my experience was so painful that I lost the will to live or do anything. I came close to a state near depression.

(This is my first shot at writing anything of the sort,so any feedback at all will be greatly appreciated)