Flawed

The girl in the last seat toyed with her pen idly. She would rather be anywhere than attend this class, but she knew she could not afford another miss. Countless times before, she had bunked this lecture and landed up in trouble. This time though, she wouldn't give her professor a chance to lash out at her again. As she stared at her watch, coaxing the time to tick by a little faster, her cell phone blurted out. It’s always embarrassing for one to have your phone start singing in the middle of a class. She quickly killed the disturbance. After receiving an angry glance from the professor and a little attention from the entire class, she managed to steal a look at the caller ID.

Weird thing…. Why the hell would fuse's roommate call her, at this time?

She had never even talked to her before. She only had her number when Fuse called her using her phone. Fuse however would not be stupid enough to call her now. She knew Garima would be in the middle of a class. She tried to brush it off when her phone rang again, this time thankfully being on silent mode. She was about to message her back when it rang again. She dismissed it again not long before it rang for the fourth time.

What the hell is going on?

Before she could contemplate her next move, she received a text message.

"Garima, pick up the phone. its urgent."

Is this some sort of a joke?

For Fuse was perfectly capable of playing a prank like this. Something, however didn't feel right.

"Umm, excuse me ma'am. May I be excused? I have a very urgent call....

"No you may not, Garima. Please attend to whatever business you have after the class."

Reluctantly she sat down. She had never been in this teacher's good books and this had constantly troubled the ever so obedient Garima. The phone sprang to life again and now she knew she had to take the call. She stood up from her chair and looked at the professor directly, "Ma'am I am sorry, but this is very urgent".

"All right. You can leave but then stay outside. I do not want any further disturbance in my class."

She hurried her way out of her class, with her books spilling from her unzipped bag dangling over her right shoulder. Before she could ring up Sania, Fuse's roommate again and ask her what in god's name was she calling for; she received the call instead. It was immediately attended to.

"Hey, What is the matter? ", she asked with her voice cracking in nervous anticipation.

"Sarah's pet kitten died."

Her trepidation turned to confusion and then just as anger came into play she blurted out, unsure-

"Huh! God . Well that's really sad but I thought it was something very urgent, you know I just missed my class....."

"And she tried to slit her wrist. We somehow managed to stop her in time though. It was not a very devoted attempt, she tried doing it with a pocket knife. She's not in any sort of danger or anything. We couldn't call her mother though. The number I had is probably wrong and Sarah won't give me her correct contact. She also broke her phone in a fit of rage when we tried looking for her mum's number and so I called you up. I only had your number. You know we aren't even in college. We brought her to the city, you know, to try and cheer her up. We thought we'd watch a movie or something. All of it got out of hand. We didn't have her ID card either, it has the guardians’ number listed usually. It’s almost like she was planning on doing this. Finally then I thought of calling the warden and maybe............."

Garima was taken aback by those words. Of all people Fuse being suicidal just didn’t work for her. With all of her energy drained in an instant and her face ashen, she sat down on the nearest bench.

“Does she need medical assistance? Oh God, I’ll call her parents.”

Sania was too worked up to answer the question as she worked up different scenarios in her head. "Should we inform college authorities? She might get into trouble and...."

"Is the wound bad?"

"Actually not bad at all, she used a pocket knife. In fact most of her skin is intact. It’s just a single cut. Not too deep..."

"Thank God. Don't call the warden. Just keep an eye on her all the time. I'll inform her parents. They'll know best what to do."

"Yes, I think that'll be the right thing to do. I'll call you back once….."

"Hey, could I talk to her once?"

"Aah, I doubt she is in the state of being able to talk to anyone right now."

"Yes, yes, you are right. Okay. Please take care of her, she…. Well, just keep an eye on her all the time."

Fuse has always been impulsive but this is too much. She never had had suicidal tendencies. Yes she loved her little kitten Peru, or Prune? Well whatever it was but that sure didn't warrant for an action such as this. Is she unwell or something? God! What do I do? I'll have to call Aunty.

"Umm, Good evening aunty! Aunty, I want you to sit down somewhere please. No, there is nothing, you'll have to trust me….. but, yes , I promise... please....please aunty, this is important.. yes... yes Fuse is fine... yes. okay… did you sit down ? Okay, now listen; just a few minutes ago Fuse's roommate called me up.. yes.. yes Sania.. and she said that Fuse, okay this is hard.... that she tried to ...... I am sorry aunty. So sorry. I understand, she is rather scared. Yes that kitten meant so much to her. Yes I understand. You can't come. I will. Sure. Definitely, but it might... Yes, yes. No, you don't need to. Please don't blame yourself. You couldn't have helped the situation. Yes, you've been a great mother. Please. Yes, sure, leave it to me....I think it'll be best if I accompany her. Yes that would indeed be great help. Sure I'll come with her. No, no problem at all. Yes I am sure."

The next thing Garima knew she was on a bus to Sarah's college, a journey that would take her three long hours.

Sarah had always been aloof, and awkward. In her own way though. She loved passionately and loathed with the same fervour. She was oblivious of trouble. She lived in her own happy little world where everything, everybody worked according to her. Being the only child, she was showered with love and affection since childhood. She was yes an awkward teen. Shy and reserved, she preferred a small, close knit circle of friends rather than big and obnoxious groups. She was academically brilliant and sound in sports and art and was grateful for her family and friends. They meant the world to her. She was content with her limited social life but soon she would long for companionship.

It was an accident. A misfortune which struck the entire Sagar family like a storm. Sarah was twelve when her Dad had started giving her driving lessons. Four years later the family were on a much needed vacation at Ooty. They had hired a self-drive car and Sarah's father had to give in when Sarah expressed her desire to give the car a try. She could drive by her own with ease now though she was always accompanied by her father or her mother. Sarah's mother had tried to dissuade the both of them from their expedition. Her idea for the night was to treat themselves to culinary delights and enjoy a hearty meal with the family overlooking the hills. She was a busy woman back home. A much sought after lawyer- such a shame that all her debating skills failed to convince the father-daughter duo to stay.

Sarah had never forgiven herself for her folly that night. There wasn't much she could have done. It was the truck driver who had been at fault. Whomsoever would have occupied the driver's seat, the consequence would probably have had been the same. Sarah, however had always doubted that theory. Her father was a genius, her hero, surely he would have been able to manoeuvre the vehicle and save them both.

Four years later, that one night would still give her nightmares. Destiny had been kind on her for she was spared completely but a few bruises and a broken arm. Her father however had not been that lucky. Since the accident the entire left side of his body had been paralyzed, head to toe. The four years had been tough for Sarah, first she had to deal with the agony and trauma of the accident. Then the aftermath which had been painfully tiresome. She saw her mother take over all the responsibilities of the house. Finances were a problem, for the excessive hospital bills and one less working member. It was amongst this chaos that one day, not long after the accident, Sarah's mother told her she'd be soon going to a boarding school. The prestigious St. Mary's High School had accepted Sarah's admission letter and the term began in half a month's time. Anupama Sagar had thought this in the best interests of her only child but Sarah had never felt more guilty, more saddened by any event than this.

She would have to leave behind all that was familiar. How would she make friends? She didn't even want new ones. She had also for the first time fell in love with a boy who lived a few houses away. She would miss her entire neighbourhood, her two or three very close friends and that ever-smiling boy whom she wanted to confront since like always.

The school was far from their home. How often would she be allowed to visit?

Sarah's initial insecurities had all been well placed for she did find it hard to make new friends. How naive had she been to believe that her old, golden friendships would survive the test of time and the burden of distance. Each summer Sarah would see herself withdrawing from her former friends more and more. Gradually all points of mutual interest and involvement were lost, as was she. Sometimes she would catch an occasional glimpse of the boy-next-door but alas nothing more. She only knew his father was friends with Garima's. Garima had told her and she had blushed lightly. Since then she had coaxed Garima to tell her his name. Garima, however had never budged. Most of her former friends and acquaintances drifted away leaving a void only filled by Garima. The quintessential high school girl. She was pretty and petite, she mostly always sported a nice courteous smile. She talked about people nicely when with them and discussed about them intensely when they were gone. She loved pop music and hated studying. She complained, a lot, but laughed off most of her troubles. She was ambitious and moody and liked to dress up and meet new people. She loved making new friends. It was funny how their friendship had stuck around for they bore no similarities whatsoever.

With each passing day, Sarah grew more and more reserved. She eventually became cold and indifferent to people's and peer's feelings. For other beings however, she was quite the opposite- warm and tender. She didn't quite understand the world of humans, rather the world complicated by humans. She loved her furry friends way more than any human Garima could think of. Somehow her innocence and her childlike charm always meant wild squirrels or stray dogs would come to her and seek solace. Fuse...... Garima used to call her, for her inability to understand simple stuff, grasp simple, unspoken rules of the world. Fuse, for she would not know when to speak and how, about when to speak the truth and when not, about when to voice one's opinions and when keep mum. Fuse for not knowing how to dress adhering to the occasion, what to wear to a wedding and how it would be different from what you'd wear for a picnic. Fuse for no consideration whatsoever for authority or rules.

The bus jolted to a sudden halt. The driver had stopped for tea. As a stream of people descended the dirty iron stairs, Garima allowed herself a smile. This was a crisis but she was so happy to finally be able to meet Fuse. It was always Fuse who made a great show of their friendship and more their reunions but it was always Garima who found great joy and pleasure in the meetings. Few and far in between as they were- they were always greatly cherished.

There were however issues Garima hadn't dealt with yet.

What would she tell her? How would she react on seeing her?

She impatiently waited for the bus to start again while she imagined possible scenarios in her head.

Carrying only a light shoulder bag, Garima got down from the bus. She made her way to the auto stand quickly hired one. There was one thing she needed to get before reaching Fuse's college.

"Is there a bakery nearby ?"

"Ji madam, three kilometres.."

"Hanji, take me there, then we'll go to UCA"

"Okay madam"

Fuse loved blueberry muffins.

A little sweet indulgence would do her much good. There are some things she absolutely cannot resist. I just hope she's fine. Nothing major. I need to get back to college ASAP. Ketu will kill me. God there is so much work. All those letters I promised I'll draft and goodness! How could I forget, I had to review those feedbacks and submit my report. I'll try doing it today itself if I find time. Maybe on our way home? But na... I'll need to keep talking to Fuse.

About half an hour after reaching the city's bus stop, Garima finally stood outside the gates of Fuse's college. It was beautiful- lush green gardens, open spaces , small but pragmatic buildings. A perfect environment for studying. Different from her own college, which was old and crowded, with all possible space dedicated to building new classrooms or halls or hostels.

She made the necessary entries at the gate and called up Sania, informing her of her arrival.
"Thank God you're here. She hasn't opened her room's door since we came back. Maybe you'll be able to persuade her to come out and talk. Okay, you're at the gate right?"

"Yes, I just arrived."

"Okay, stay there. I'll come to pick you up. I asked about the guest rooms. They do have a vacancy, you can go see to that for your night's stay."

"Umm I actually plan to leave for home today itself.."

"Home ?"

"Oh yes ! I talked to Fuse's mother and she suggested I bring her home. She's sending someone to pick us up. "

"Oh, okay then. I'll be there."

Within five minutes a smallish figure had joined her, Garima could tell she had come running all the way. Sania was small for her age but her lack of stature was quickly made up by her personality.

She finally stopped close to Garima and rested both her hands on her knees, panting.

"Welcome to UCA!", she winked.

As they moved past the entrance, Sania tried indulging Garima in some small talk, to try and ease her apprehension. Garima, however was too deep into her thoughts to notice the kind gesture. Finally, seeing her plan fail, Sania spoke," Hey! Can I ask you a question ?".

Her question caught Sania off-guard. "Sure.", she managed to say. 

"If Sarah's mother has arranged a pick-up, why did you bother to come here all the way?"

"Aunty is a little worried about her being alone so I thought I'll....."

"But don't you have your semester end exams from what, the next week ?"

" I do, but how do you know ?", Garima spoke with an element of surprise.

"Sarah told me, she discusses you all the time. So what about the exams then ?"

" I'll return tomorrow morning itself."

"Sure. Well you're very much like how Sarah described you. I'll take you to her but I must warn you, this might take time."

.

.

.

.

There she was.

Standing outside Sarah's room. Shouting, swearing, begging for her to open the door- but she just won't budge. Something told Garima that Fuse was not very happy to have her there. The thought was troubling, but before she could think it out something happened. Finally, after a long pause, Garima could hear footsteps near the door- the twist of the key in the keyhole and the door opened up with an excited click.

There she was.

Her eyes were sunken and sad. Her hair, which came down till her neck were all over the place. She held a little dirty yellow blanket tightly in her left hand. With the other she held the door handle. She had always suffered from this feeling of not being loved.

Garima's first instinct was to give her one tight and warm embrace. Ask her to let out all her grief but she chose to act otherwise. With a flash came a tight, thundering slap and delivered itself on Fuse's left cheek. Taken aback, Fuse stepped aside and allowed Garima and Sania to enter. Garima expected Fuse to retaliate, as she would have normally done. She hoped for her to kick, or shout or try and seek revenge but she didn't. Instead she meekly sat down on her bed. Eyes watery, spirit shaken, seeking solace.

Where is the fire ? Where is the rage? This isn't what it’s supposed to be like. 

"Sarah ! You're an idiot, a complete idiot. Do you or don't you realise the seriousness of what you've been up to. Why the hell do you have to do this all the time? Create trouble for yourself and bother everyone. You have no ounce of shame? What in the God's name is wrong with you? People can't always be tending to your mindless tantrums dude. High time you grow the hell up. The sooner you do the better for everyone.

You've troubled so many, Sania here, all your friends. You know Aunty was so troubled hearing about you.She is extremely disturbed by your irresponsible actions. Think about her dude. All of this only for some attention, only because your pet kitten died. I understand all your emotional attachment and shit but dude! You need to grow up. Act mature !

Look at you. You won't even talk. You won't even look me in the eye. You realise how far have I come only to see you? Only to ensure your well being. How utterly afraid your mother was? She couldn't come and how I told her I would handle the situation? Like I do every freaking time. Clean up your mess. I have my exams from the next week, I have piles of work mounting. I am bunking lectures and demeaning professors for you and you won't open your mouth. You won't even listen..."

"You're not doing me a favour coming here.", said a tired but unbelievably bold voice. " Where is Ma?"

" I am here to take you home. She's sent a pick-up", Garima managed to say, taking control of her raging emotions.

" Did Ma ask you to ?"

"I volunteered."

There was a long silence that engulfed the room, making the air heavier.

Garima tried to break the tension

"Not many people can handle you so I came-by. One needs professionals to take care of wild animals out on the loose. You're pretty damn difficult man."

A small smile played on Fuse's lips before she curled them back into a forced frown. It didn't work. Garima knew she had handled this like a real Pro. Again.

"I think I should leave the both of you here. I have some stuff to catch up with. Have a safe journey home you two "

With those words Sania slipped out of the room, hoping for the best.

"What is it Fuse ?"

"Don't be angry at me Garima, you're my only friend....."

Seeing her acknowledge their friendship was enthralling for Garima. Fuse always joked how she wanted to get rid of her all the time. Her blunt honesty eased a lot of the tension. She opened her mouth to reply and then closed it without saying a word. She moved closer to Fuse and sat beside her on her bed. 

"Fuse ! I am not angry at you. I was just concerned okay? Plus trust me, you have loads of people to back you up. I know you've been disturbed since some time. I am concerned Sarah ! So is your mother and uncle .We all agreed it would be the best for you to take a week off, go home and sort out all your troubles. You still have over a month left for your exams and that's not even the least of our concerns.

This was indeed the first time she was being invited back home in the middle of a term. Sarah's mother usually insisted that she concentrate on her college, not just academics but on honing her skills at swimming and poetry. She had made it known to her daughter that she wanted her to keep away from the blues of the household.

Things had dramatically changed since the accident. Samarth Sagar's health had improved by leaps and bounds. He had religiously followed his physiotherapy routine over the years. Anupama Sagar was busier than ever. Her clientele had increased considerably. In her busy schedule she rarely found time to catch up with household chores or spend time with family.The Sagar's social life was almost non-existent save for their annual anniversary dinner. A ritual they had held since five years now. On their anniversary the Sagar's would hold a nice little dinner party for their close family and friends. There would be music and wine, dance and food and all of it in their home's backyard.

This was the only time Anupama Sagar made it compulsory for Sarah to be home. No excuses were entertained - no trips, no competitions, no submissions. Nothing.

Sarah's birthday - A day that ought to be special for her was however not celebrated with the same enthusiasm. Inexplicably more often than not her mother would come up with some important work or an office errand on or around her birthday. This would mean she would go off to her grandmother's to celebrate. At times she would take a friend or two along. She would always enjoy the celebrations but she never really look forward to that day. For it was also the same day when she and her father had been involved in a life-altering accident.

"It'll take me a while to pack......"

"You can take your time for now. Your mum said that the driver uncle will take about another hour."

About fifty minutes later Garima and Fuse loaded the car dickey with Fuse's luggage. Garima tried to engage in small talk while Fuse kept silent, replying only when necessary. Garima looked forward to the close to five hour drive they had ahead of them. She should have been in college and studying for her upcoming examinations had she not come here. She also had loads of other jobs to get done with before her impending doom. So much to do yet she didn't hesitate one bit when Fuse's roommate called up. She needed a getaway and this was the perfect opportunity for her to get one. She had always seen spending time with Fuse as an escape - from all things worldly and all problems of the grownups. Her coming all the way to help Fuse was not so much a selfless act. For it was Garima who needed this as much as Fuse did. Perhaps more.

Garima never wanted to be an engineer- if she would know you well and tell you the absolute truth- she despised science. Art and colours and designs were more her thing, but could she tell this to her father ? No. She was brilliant at maths and topped her class. She liked the subject but never loved it. Her father, a maths professor himself couldn't see otherwise. So when time came to pick her major for college, Mr. Trivedi didn't even bother to ask Garima about her preferences. Sure she'd want to pursue engineering. He would only consult her when it was time to choose her stream- will it be Civil or Computers?

Garima was an obedient child. When her fate was revealed to her, she did absolutely nothing to fight back or in the least show her dissent. Her mother, a social science teacher often faced her father's unthinking taunts and ridicule.

"Why learn history when we can make it ?"

or " Arts is for the academically weak students." were phrases very popular in the Trivedi household.

So now three years later, pursuing engineering - Garima had doubts and fears surrounding her from all sides. She had lost interest. Pure Maths was gone, only complicated real life applications were taught now. She was losing ground. Never before in her entire life had she been so ill-prepared for her examinations. But this time she just couldn't get herself to open those heavy books. It was, she knew well, too late to drop out. What would she tell her parents- that she wanted to quit, but for what ?

She had a long-wide list of interests but nothing she could actually major in. Nothing that would possibly pacify her parents. Nothing that could make up for all the lost time and effort not to forget, money.

Her strained relationship with some of her professors didn't help. She had to miss a training program in sculpture design for a technical internship she wasn't even remotely interested in.

An hour later, Fuse traced a raindrop on the car's window. She did not look at ease, the same ease she had displayed when getting into the car. Something troubled her again, and she wouldn't say what.

Garima desperately searched for a topic to start a conservation about. The silence was deafening. She wanted to blurt out all she was thinking about, but she sure was too proud to crumble like that. She wanted to stir up a conversation, let Fuse speak her heart out and feel better and then listen and analyse all of Garima's more realistic, certainly more urgent problems. Although surrounded by friends and peers all day long, there were few whom Garima could really talk to. A select few who understood and more importantly who cared. Ketu was another, but her relationship with him was to say a trifle bit strained these days.

Just when Garima was about to give up and give in to the temptation of taking a nap, she accidentally elbowed her bag. A ruffle of baking paper was heard and she sprang up with joy. Literally.

"Who's up for some blueberry goodness ?"

"You got me muffins ? " , Fuse asked, almost jumping off her seat,her eyes sparkling.

She didn't take much time to unwrap them and immediately started gobbling down the crushed bits.

"Hey you remember that one time you sneaked out an extra muffin from Paul's for me?"

The muffins had done the trick, Garima acknowledged smiling mirthfully.

"How can I forget ? Paul's used to be our jam. We used to hangout there all the time and it was your favourite bakery. That was some display of courage but I just can't ever forget what happened after that."

"Haha yes, aunty found out right ? God ! You got a trashing of your lifetime and she made you write an apology letter and hand it over to Uncle Paul with the money. You didn't come out to play for a full week."

Garima lightly slapped Fuse's back just as a few wet shrub branches slapped her windowpane. " You find this incredibly amusing, don't you ?"

Fuse was in hysterics, she was reliving the best days of her life. They had only been in sixth grade when this had happened. Life was still far, far away from being the complicated mess it was now.

"That one week's house arrest. You know my Mum still doesn't trust me around muffins. She always thought I stole it for myself."

Fuse stopped laughing for a moment and faced Garima.

"Come on dude. To be fair it did make you the most popular kid in the neighbourhood. "

"It did. That's the time Ketu came to me and gave me this long lecture on how I should be using my amazing skills for the-'benefit of humanity' rather than petty thievery as he called it. What a jerk he was back then. Mr. goody-two-shoes. "

The mention of Ketu's name stirred both friend's hearts. For Garima and Ketu were going through a tough phase and for it was Ketu who was Fuse's boy-next-door.

Fuse had had a crush on Ketu since she could remember. She only had talked to him thrice in her whole life. Garima and Ketu's fathers had been friends and so he would often visit her place when they were kids. Garima and Ketu on the other hand had always been arch nemesis. Both of them loathed each other as children. It was pretty ironical then that both had now become the most celebrated couple in college. Ketu had moved out of town to join high school in the state capital. Two years later both were reunited in college and were happy to find company. Their friendship stuck around and eventually blossomed into a relationship.

The fairy tale romance seemed flawed now. Garima could tell he wasn't into her much now. They fought a lot these days, disagreed on most things. Ketu kept his distance.

"So have you found someone special in college ?", Garima blurted out in an attempt to digress her mind from her troubles.

It is a silly question.

Garima thought the moment she asked it. Had there been anyone Fuse would have told her earlier, but it was some sort of a conservation starter.

So, she repeated again, Anybody special eh ?

"Well, what to say, I thought I had but things turned out to be different."

She had? She never told me.

"Oh come on tell me na ? What went wrong?"

Fuse let out a slight sigh and sat upright. She saw the driver and was pleased to see him focused on the road. She looked down towards her hands and spoke softly.

"There is this guy I met at the poetry club recital. So he was sitting alone and so was I so I walked up to him and we generally started talking. He is just so much like me. We liked each other's company and started hanging out together. I'll make you read some of his work sometime, he's brilliant. His father is also a very renowned poet. So okay, I really liked him so one day I asked him out. "

"Wow you did? I never thought you'd have the courage. "

"I was blissfully surprised as well, it didn't work out though."

"Why? What did he say ?"

"Well he said that we have far too much in common and that..."

"That's not even a valid excuse. "

"He isn't interested in women Garima. We have far too much in common. "

"Oh okay ! That's really unfortunate Fuse. I don't know what to say."

She expected Fuse to reclude into a corner but she saw her smiling.

"It isn't that bad dude. He's a really nice friend. Turned out we both needed friends much more than we needed lovers. We are great friends. I even took him to grandma's place one weekend. You know it’s like I have finally found good companionship."

A tinge of jealousy snaked through Garima. "How is it that you've never mentioned him to me ?", she said angrily.

There was an awkward pause. "I mean you share everything with me always so.", she said, more calmly, trying to avert the damage already done.

She could see Fuse seething. Instead of feeling apologetic, however Garima felt increasingly annoyed. Fuse had always told her everything about everything, or she had thought so. It was heartbreaking.

"You've changed Sarah. Seems like my coming here was an utter waste. There are now people whose company you'd prefer. "

Garima had lost control of her speech. Her brain-to-mouth filter was effectively non-functional and it was causing major damage. For one, Fuse couldn't fathom the last time Garima had used 'Sarah' to address her.

"Stop making a big deal about this. We're grownups okay? We need our space."

The momentary anger Fuse felt waned away quickly. She realised her friend's mental state. It was exactly how she had felt on numerous occasions before but never had the guts to voice. She shuffled a bit in her seat, then cleared her throat gently as if she was about to deliver an excellent address. She slowly turned towards Garima who was looking out of the window. A hand gently pressed down on her left shoulder and in another moment she sat facing her best friend, her best friend since she could remember.

"We need our space, that's exactly what you told me at the beginning of college, when I begged with you to call me up daily and tell me everything about your day. "

There was a visible colouring on Garima's face. She very well remembered that conversation. It was college and she was finally away from home and all its restrictions. Freedom for her had always been enigmatic. She had had excessively strict parents unlike Fuse,parents who always knew everything about her. It was time to change that.

Fuse paused briefly having seen realisation dawn upon Garima and continued.

" I learnt a lesson that day Garima. I learnt that everybody does need they own space. Mental and physical. That we have to keep going in life, we have to move on and learn to form new affiliations. We always fear for the future, we fear about never being able to find the quality company, we at some point in our past had the privilege of. We fear our that the friendships nurtured and cherished by us will fail. But there is nothing to fear. There are beautiful people who surround us with a different world view and refreshing perspectives. We need to cast aside our fears and embrace whatever life throws at us. Yes, time in friendship matters but, trust me, that's not the only thing that does. I have realised that it is okay for some of your friends to not know others. And it is okay to not know each tiny detail of your friend's life. The only thing necessary is that you know the person within, down to the tiniest detail. That we can support them and more importantly celebrate them."

Yes, I have to move on..

Life had changed Fuse, for the better. It was so astonishing for somebody like her to understand complex thoughts and feelings like these. Her thought process always had been adorably simple and here she was, having summed-up her feelings to perfection.

I guess it’s okay to be a little selfish. I guess I can talk to Fuse about all that's bothering me. I am sure she'll understand. God yes, she will !

A serene silence lingered in the air. It was comforting for both of them. Outside, a light drizzle threw itself against the landscape. The road was mostly empty, to the extent of being deserted. It was surrounded by a thick forest, spread over small hills on one side and a neat line of trees on the other. It had been hours since they had seen a dwelling. The journey back home was always made more special because of the scenic route. For Fuse, driving down this road was ultimate bliss. Today this experience of absolute elation was only increased by the presence of a best friend and the soothing weather. Despite the cool breeze blowing through her hair, as she lowered her window, she couldn't numb her mind enough to not think about her troubles. She had lied. Not once but many times. Not to a single person but to many. All of whom she didn't want to. She had never been a person who relied on falsehood. She never felt the need for lying and despised people who used it to clear their mess. Yet today, she was lying. Not an innocent white lie- but an entire story that was a hoax. Deeply disturbed and guilt ridden with her thought, she tried to plug them out by plugging in some music. She increased the volume to full and closed her eyes, the rain drops splattering against her eyelids, and listened to a song about two lovers and their separation. More often than not, sad songs made people sad, but in Fuse's case they always had the opposite effect. It helped her cope with her grief.

The driver was a middle aged man who was newly employed by Fuse's mother. He had been looking for a well paying job for over six months when he finally came across the advertisement in the newspaper. It had had been extremely difficult for him to get back to his job after his accident. The accident which was responsible for him being fired from his previous job, when he had dozed off while driving at night. He was driving his employer and his wife back from a wedding party. Sure both the husband and wife were drunk and had thought it would be safe to call him. All of them had been very lucky that the car had hit a single stray tree at the edge of the road, or it would have gone down tumbling. Nobody was injured, but minutes after impact, he suffered from a minor heart attack. That's when he found out he had a heart condition. His employers were shocked about the accident but considered themselves fortunate that they had survived unharmed. They had paid for his treatment and subsequently asked him to leave.

"You must not drive now. Why don't you find another job ?", his employer's wife had said.

He had tried his hand at various jobs but couldn't do any. He had an ailing mother back in his native village, to whom he sent a part of his monthly salary. Now with no job and very little savings - it was a challenge to survive. So when he spotted the advertisement in the local newspaper, he knew this was his chance. For the best interests of his mother and his own, he had hidden the information of his past from his new employer.

To him this little betray of trust seemed harmless. What happened back the was nothing but an honest mistake, that because he wasn’t prepared. Now, that he knew his weakness, he would never make that mistake again.

This was where he happened to be gravely mistaken.

It came like a striking bolt of lightning - and caught her off guard. Images materialised and vanished in front of her eyes. Everything happened very fast, but somehow slow enough to register each and every detail in her head. She fell forward and bumped her head hard on the head rest. Her iPod escaped her hands and her hands entangled themselves in her headphones. Her knee hit the seat ahead and she let out a short, shrill scream. She quickly tried to gather her wits. Her body had fallen back after impact and she had to work a little to sit upright again. When she finally did, she saw Garima’s wrist dangling over her knee. With growing horror she turned sideways to face her. She had shattered glass all over her lap and her head had apparently hit the window and bounced back. As she inspected her wound, she felt a warm trickle of blood down her right knee. She shook Garima awake and was engulfed in a wave of relief as Garima responded without delay.

“Thank God you’re alright.”

The relief, however was to be short-lived. As she peered over the seat, she quickly understood what had happened. They had rammed into a huge tree, one branch puncturing the front window. Their driver was completely still, his head rested over the steering wheel. An ominous silence lingered as she prepared to get out of the vehicle and inspect the damage. Outside, the sun had set after a game of hide and seek with the clouds as it prepared to rob the forest of the last bits of its light. A distant bark could be heard and the faint voice of rain pouring down. Garima could hear her heart pounding furiously. She looked towards Fuse who was about to open the car’s door. Then she worriedly shifted her gaze to the front where she saw the driver’s limp body.

“God, Fuse ! Is he alright?”

She tried to shake him awake like Fuse did but he did not respond at all. A crippling fear was starting to rise within Garima. She knew if the driver was fatally injured, it would be very hard to get him medical attention. This two to three hour long stretch of road was mostly empty, with only a few or no vehicles passing it. The route did not pass any towns or villages for about a hundred kilometres. It was a fairly recently built highway- an ambitious project, to ease interstate transport. It cut off all of the city’s noise and the traffic. It was mostly built through jungles and untouched hills and was dominated by trucks carrying goods. As she thought of the fate that awaited their driver, another more deep rooted fear began to take root.

 How will we get home? We're in the middle of nowhere. It could be so long before someone actually reaches us. We’d be stranded for at least a couple of hours.

As soon as the thought came to her she put it away. She chided herself for her negative thinking for how insensitive she was. She rather focused on the situation before her now. She decided to get off the vehicle and assist Fuse. However the moment she opened the door, she heard a thud and worriedly looked towards her right.

Fuse held on to Garima's hand and stood up. She tried to steady herself but it was clear that her injured leg won't be able to take her weight very efficiently. Garima supported Fuse with one hand as she hobbled towards the front door. Then she carefully opened the door and pushed the driver towards his seat. Meanwhile Fuse, who steadied herself against the car held his hand and checked his pulse.

"He's fine." ,exclaimed Fuse hopefully. He was breathing, but a highly laboured breath it was.

"What do we do now ?", Garima asked Fuse with rising panic. She hoped Fuse understood all the implications of the situation, but she was very afraid she didn't. She did not want to be the one who would have to introduce her to the huge trouble they all were in. She, herself didn't have the courage to acknowledge the fact, but if a solution was to be worked out, she ought to help Fuse see it all.

"Fuse, what do we do ? We can't wait for long. He requires immediate medical attention." She gently moved Fuse near another tree and help her sit down.

"Yes, yes I know, but we're..... We're in the middle of nowhere. Oh God !", Fuse said as she settled down near the tree trunk. It was with that last sentence that Fuse did finally realise the gravity of the situation. This was going to be very tough. That's when Fuse began excitedly checking her pockets for her phone, but couldn't find it.

"Garima, try your phone. We need to call for an ambulance."

Garima obliged and took out her phone from her jeans. As she tried to unlock the device and dial the number she noticed the huge cross sign on the notification bar. With trembling hands she tried dialling, knowing the outcome.

"We haven't got any signal. God, what do we do now?". Garima tensely saw in the direction of Fuse who was intently looking at a tree in the distance.

"Try finding my phone? I guess it should be on the floor somewhere. We'll have to see if it has network."

As Garima hurried towards the car to do the same, Fuse said something that terrified the both of them.

"Garima, if we do have network on my phone, and we do call for help, It'll be a couple of hours, minimum, before anybody can actually reach us. Won't it be too late ?" Garima perfectly understood Fuse's concern but still kept on frantically searching for her phone at the back seat. Fuse, having realised how far they were from help, wanted to make herself useful. She limped towards the car and tried to check the driver's body for any external wounds. He bled from his nose and his right hand was smashed into the steering wheel. When she tried to move it, she realised it might be severely broken. She tried to breathe evenly as she inspected the rest of his body. His jaw had dropped open and a trickle of saliva mixed with deep red blood dripped through his chin.

" Any luck with the phone? ", she asked Garima.

When Garima did not respond, she knew the answer was negative.

"Could you drop your search for a little bit and fetch me the first-aid box. It's in the glove box. Let's try to stop further bleeding in the least."

Garima immediately saw sense in what Fuse was attempting to do. She ran to the other side to take out the first aid box and passed I over to Fuse from across the seat, she then went to help her to the other side. When she was walking, something came under her shoe, it was Fuse's cell phone with a shattered screen . However the moment she picked it up to examine it, she realised, the back cover and the battery were gone along with the sim card. The sim card slot hung loosely on the verge of breaking. She tried to search around the area she had recovered the phone from but to no success. As she walked over to Fuse to tell her about the broken phone she saw her face overcome with a strange mixture of worry and fear.

"He's bleeding profusely from his nose and see, he has a wound on his forehead too. I am not sure how much longer will these little bandages be able to stop the blood flow. Garima, we need to go to a hospital now. I'll drive, we will sure be able to find network somewhere down the road. This is the only way we can save him."

Garima gave a ghastly expression at this suggestion. "You're hurt in the leg, you can't drive! And I do not know how to. So we'll have to stay here and not risk our lives again."

"We cannot waste time. We can't wait for somebody to magically appear here and rescue us. There are very few vehicles on this road. It might be hours before we spot one. Trust me when I say I can manage with one leg. Now come here and help me carry him to the back seat."

This was all too much for Garima. She understood how badly Fuse wanted to avert the crisis, something she could not do before. This however, wasn't a feasible solution. How could she allow Fuse to undertake such danger, considering her mental state and her injury. And the accident. She knew very well that Fuse had never touched a steering wheel since the accident.

"No Fuse. We cannot go. Your mother trusted me with your well-being. I cannot let you drive, you aren't well enough to. You're hurt and more importantly you're not mentally stable right now.'

She moved closer to Fuse, for she wanted Fuse to be very clear about what was to be done. She put a gentle yet firm hand on her shoulder and said-"You know what we'll do ? I'll try to roam around hopefully find search for signal to call for help, while you try to locate your sim card. I found your phone but he sim probably fell out somewhere."

As Fuse turned towards Garima, she directly saw non-compliance in her eyes. Before she could start talking to her again, she saw the almost limp body of the driver.

Oh my God. He needs a doctor. He won't be able to survive without one for long.

So reluctantly and anxiously, she helped Fuse transport the man into the back seat. They almost had to drag him there. Garima felt her heartbeat quicken and her hands became clammy. She then tied a small bandage to Fuse's knee with a rudimentary dressing. It was nowhere sufficient, but something was better than nothing. It did manage to stop the blood flow. Fuse sat on the driver's and Garima took the passenger seat. Behind them the driver lay on his back with most of his wounds covered. Fuse reached out for the seat belt as did Garima. She'd first have to reverse and pull back before moving forward. She let out a huge sigh but did not let any signs of fear become too apparent. As soon as she pressed the clutch and felt a pang of pain travel up her knee, through her back into her head. She flinched a little but the car did not. Both friends exchanged worried glances and then slowly the car backed up.

Thank God! It’s working.

They drove slowly, Fuse wanted to take time being comfortable with the car. The road was more or less flat, with no slants uphill or downhill - which eased the process considerably for her. As they drove, the sun which was almost about to set, gave a last appearance- gaping through a hole in the cloudy sky. Garima constantly looked at her phone and then at the back. After about fifteen minutes later- Garima saw a single line appear next to the battery indicator on the notification bar.

"Hold up, Hold up. We have signal here."

Fuse immediately slammed on the brakes and Garima jumped out of the car.

"She isn't picking up her phone."

With a shaking voice Fuse asked her, "Whom are you calling?"

"Your mother Fuse, who else would I call."

"No but you must not call her."

"Why Fuse? What are you saying.'

"Don't call her Garima. She'll be very worried, especially if she knows I am driving. That's what I wanted like an hour ago, for her to worry, but not now."

" \What the hell are you saying."

"Garima, I was lying all the while and see what a mess we are in because of my lies. I.... Garima.. I, I never had a cat. I just wanted to go home, I miss Dad and...."

Garima was aghast. Fuse never lied, or at least in this capacity. All of that drama so that she could go back home? She wanted to give her a tight hug, and ask her what troubled her that much but she had to focus on the task at hand.

"Fuse, I don't know what to say but I have to call your mother. I won't tell her you're injured. But she has to know. She will only be able to help us out."

Fuse opened her mouth as if to protest but said nothing, realising how Garima was right. She looked out on the other side as Garima tried to call her up again. This time she picked up the call. Fuse effectively disassociated herself from the conversation that took place. She could not handle the overwhelming guilt that was drowning her each second.

  Oh what a horrible idea it had been to stage her despair at the death of a kitten that never existed. All had started as almost a joke, her pet kitten, an imaginary pet that was supposed to understand all her fears and insecurities. She had made its existence real by speaking about her and occasionally showing a stray kitten to her roommate who came to her for food every evening. Then one day she had learnt of her father's deteriorating health through social media. She had connected with one of her batch mate from school. He also had happened to be the son of one of her parent's close friend. It was then when she had started calling home regularly in the hope of her mother telling her the truth but she never did. A few days after that came the real horror when she was told her father was barely able to speak now, for he had suffered another paralysis attack. She so wanted to be home, next to him but she knew her mother won't allow that.

She was shook out of her thoughts by Garima.

"She said she'll send help our way. She has called up the police and all the nearby hospitals. An ambulance will be coming our way. She said that moving forward was a good idea and that we were doing a good job. That way we'll meet the ambulance on the way somewhere. She has asked us to keep covering distance carefully."

Fuse nodded, the terrible images of the accident coming back to her. She fought tears as Garima got into the car and kept a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"Your mother asked me to tell you that she loved you, and was very, very proud of you. You're a very brave person Sarah."

Garima shut the door behind her as the car came into motion again. Garima hesitated a moment before finally asking Fuse, " Why did you have to fake the death of a pet ?".

Fuse stole a quick glance at Garima's face, it was distorted by pain and a lack of understanding. She let out a sigh.

"Dad is very ill. Ma won't let me see him, even know about him had it not been for me being unwell, or disturbed."

" I am very sorry. I never thought......... All of this is my fault. I........ I am terribly, terribly sorry."

"You don't have to be Fuse. It’s not your fault. We'll be fine."

Garima turned back to check on the injured driver. He was still breathing laboriously. As Garima pressed her foot on the accelerator she felt her old fears returning, gripping her. For a moment she was a teen again, carefree and happy and then she saw the truck, as if coming for her again, to shatter all that she held dear.

“Hey, careful! God you scared me there. We don’t need to rush this through. Its dark and foggy outside. Take it easy.”

Fuse knew Garima was right, the fog gently blanketing them before was almost blinding her now. She slowed down and struggled to keep her mind from wandering elsewhere. On her left, Garima was busy with her phone, apparently checking for better network all the time. Thank God she’s with me. I couldn’t have done this alone, Fuse thought and allowed herself a smile.

Thank God she’s with me. What would I have done without her?

Behind both the friends the driver was slowly drifting into a deeper calm, his breathing had slowed down.

It was like falling into an everlasting abyss, one felt fearful in the beginning but soon an eerie calm descended. All the panic melted down, all the resistance gave way to acceptance. One better make peace with whatever force drives the cosmos before leaving one’s body. That’s what he prepared to do. After a lifetime of struggles, now he had nothing more to worry about.

The girls did not seem to notice this change until after a bump in the road, the driver tumbled down from the seat. Fuse immediately stopped the vehicle and both of them rushed to help him. As Garima struggled with the man, something caught Fuse’s eye. She was looking out, feeling the freshness of the monsoon for the first time since their accident. She knew she had a task to complete but she allowed herself this one moment. She gazed upward and let the tiny drops of water fall against her closed eyelids. She summoned all of her resolve and with renewed strength headed in Garima’s direction to help her. As she opened her eyes, she thought she saw a faint light in the distance, gazing closely she realised what she saw. It was a pair of headlights heading towards them.

“Garima, I think we might have help !”

Garima turned around and started waving her hands in the air. In the next five minutes, two gentlemen got out of s car, were briefed about the situation at hand by an exasperated Fuse. They helped her into the back of the car and one of them tended to her wound. The other man, slightly taller, then moved towards Garima who showed them the injured man. The man helping Fuse then came and helped him carry the injured man to their car. Both the girls settled down in the dickey while the two men overlooked the injured driver .“I will just check him for his vital signs once”, the shorter man with the spectacles said in a tone of urgency. It was quite extraordinary for them to have bumped into a doctor and his friend.

 “He is severely injured, but we might save him if we make it in time. Get in man, we’ve got to get going.”

As they prepared to leave, Garima reached in for her cell phone and searched for a network.

They had already told them that help was on its way and they were to lookout for an ambulance.

“Just send a text message, the moment you have any signal it’ll deliver itself.”

“Yes, yes good idea Fuse.”

A sense of relief washed over Garima as she realised the hardest part was over. The doctor sat right beside the driver, adjusting his bandages and checking on him from time to time. They were accelerating at a decent speed now and would hopefully soon catch up with the ambulance.

Fuse also seemed calmer, she sure had gotten a huge burden off herself. Garima was proud of Fuse. Despite adversity, she'd forgotten her fears and had done everything to help. She admired her even more.

I should inform Aunty.

Garima began typing excitedly and then suddenly stopped, with a smile on her face and gave her phone to Fuse.

“I think you should tell her how you saved the day.”

“I didn’t, plus I lied to…..”

Garima pressed her hand onto Fuse’s and said, “Hush Fuse! None of that matters now. I am sure your Mum will understand everything. She's proud of you. She knows you can handled a crisis. You're strong Fuse. You're a very strong person. Take this and message her. Sometimes all one needs is a little perspective.”