I wasn't warned. For the first time we've met, no one has ever warned me.
There is delight. For the first time, I felt like someone will be there for me.
We're friends. It doesn't feel so stiff to talk comfortably to someone.
We converse. Midnight conversations were my favorite. There's a different version in every night we own, regardless the yawns and closing eyelids, just to talk to you. Just for you.
The good mornings. It's so good to wake up with your good mornings on the screen of my phone. Two words, sometimes with a smile but it doesm't matter what emoji you use, it still give me the butterflies in my morning stomach.
We care. Just like that, we started to care. Have you eat your lunch? What time is your class? Are you busy right now? Please don't stress yourself. Chat me whenever you can. Take care. Just like that.. just like that.
Chaotic thoughts. This was the start, the start of the confusion. Are we still friends? Is this feeling still 'for friends'? What do we have now? Or do we have anything going on? Now?
Then there's changes. Conversations became shorter, good mornings were vanishing as days were passing. Cares became what do I care and everything just got crazy when I started thinking of what do we have. It was like an automatic reaction of abandoning everything that happened in between. And when I started to have a clear view of what we have, had..
Free fall. I was falling. And it was a free fall because he's not feeling the same. And it was shit because it's tearing me off. Because moments became memories, and it hurts as hell to let someone go without even holding them tight. It feels so fucked up to have someone to claim yours even if you don't even have the right and you only claim him for yourself. And it was an ass to fall in love with someone who only think of you as his mere friend. And you don't even have the right to get mad at him because he doesn't promised any at the first place. And at the end, it was all your fault, because you fell with someone who already had someone else in their heart.
It was a free fall. And no one knows what's down there so we just let ourselves fall in the cliff of pain.