You will always be blamed

Whether it's your fault or not, you will always be blamed.

People would always say, everyone is unique and they are imperfectly perfect. 

But no. These days I keep blaming myself. Why am I like this? 

Why can't I be taller than what I am today? 

Why can't I be prettier like the rest of 'em girls? 

Why can't I have that coca cola body like them?

Back in college, people would tell me you're pretty, but your teeth says the opposite. Then I got my braces. 

And then people said I was small, then I built my confidence to cover that with humor. 

Lately, i've gained some weight, too drastic that I have to  change my clothing and shy away with the camera.

The confidence I built long when I was a child is vanishing into a thin layer of self pity. 

People would often tell me, "Why are you getting fat?" "You look so heavy in the eye." "You look swollen." "Your fingers are all so weird."

These words haunt me from day to day. It makes me feel less of a woman just because I gained weight. 

I am, for all, with the philosophy that we are all a woman of worth. But having the voice inside me duplicate the intensity of the words coming from people that I care about, is too much.

My worth is not based on my weight. And should my self esteem.

These days I am being blamed.

For not taking care of myself to gain weight that fast.

These days I am being blamed.

For letting myself look 'swollen'.

These days I am being blamed.

For not trying to go back to my old body shape.

All that they see is the ugly me. 

Because I have been too fat, in the society's standard of beauty. 

And that I am blamed, because I started loving my self.