Happy Father's Day, 2018

Does my father love me?

I don't know. I haven't known for a long time.

He does come to talk to me when I'm down. But when he is telling me that my current problems are going to pass, he looks away. He never looks me in the eye. Or is it me? Do I not hold eye-contact with him?

Last month, he teased me about a certain abnormality I had ten years back. I was offended and I don't talk to him anymore. I don't know what to say to him. Anything I say is going to be remembered and iterated back satirically.

He says he jokes about things and everything is not to be taken seriously. But every little thing matters to me. Am I too sensitive? Am I wrong to expect family to treat me with respect, and not bring up unpleasant things from my past? Is he family if he does that?

I don't know whether my father loves me or not. Can I live without the love that I yearn for from him? Can I survive the love he is giving me presently? 

Happy father's day, Mumma.