Have you ever thought?

Small talks.

Meaningful stares.

Awkward glances.

Sweet smiles.

Playful gestures.

What signs did you miss?

It's been a year and I'm still here, stuck with my what ifs and buts. There were days where it felt like my heart would explode, days that were tormenting to encounter when the pain is too much to bear, days that consumed the idea of you, days that I controlled myself from saying those three words even though it's eating me up.

But what if? Just a thought.

What if I risked it all?

What if I said those three words?

Would it be different? Would it be worse? Or would it be better?

But then, I realized that I'll never know the answer to those questions. Because in the end, I never bothered telling you those three words.

I. Hate. You.

I hate you for making me want to feel alive.

I hate you for making me want to know you.

I hate you for making me want to risk it all.

I hate you for being so lovable.

I hate you for being so passionate for your dreams.

I hate you for being so available when I needed someone.

I hate you because you make we want to say I love you all the time.

And here I'm again, wondering if it's too late to try.