When I say I wanna talk, it means that you should be listening—not giving advice. I’m not a fucking child to go to mommy if I have a slight inconvenience in my life and cry over. I just want to flush away the pain I’ve been carrying for so long. You should only listen, not give a solution; understand, not judge; empathize, not sympathize. Can you do that? If you can, hear me out; I need you. Because I don’t know how much longer I can carry all this pain. I can’t bear it anymore. This society, the people, the world, can suck it. I don’t want to be a part of them anymore. I just want to be me. Why is that so difficult nowadays? Why is there a need to be accepted by everyone? Why can’t I be the judge of my own choices? When did everything become a joke? When did “that’s fine… everyone goes through the same thing, don’t worry” become a new trend?
My hands won’t stop trembling while writing this. I couldn’t see through my watery eyes. My neck wouldn’t support the weight of the thoughts anymore; I wish I could end this pain. Can I? Shall I? What is happening to me? When did I become a coward? Once a happy, charismatic, and lively boy, where did he go? Isn’t he there somewhere? Or did he get lost in all the hate that filled the heart? I know you feel bad for me now that you know how I feel. But where were you when needed? I was alone, fighting my own battles without a sword. How much longer do you expect me to be in that battlefield? Without help, I can’t move my feet, throw a punch, swing a sword, or live a life. Why does life make us live through what we don’t want?
Remember the time I was happy, me too. It is only a memory now. Misery clouded my head a long time ago, and hate and anger are my new best friends. Love is just a mythical lost treasure. A failed witch hunt for my feelings sent me deeper into this abyss. I fell in but never found the rock bottom. I don’t wanna get up anymore; I don’t want to try. Why am I the way I am? Why can’t I live like everyone else? Because I don’t want to. There isn’t a person alive who would give a jack shit about the things I say—even you. You will just read this, maybe feel sad and forget it all the same. But remember, there is always a friend in need, and they don’t ask for help like everyone else. They wish for you to be there. So, be there.