He's just.. I don't know..

OK its obvious this would be about a guy. 

Am not the romantic type at all. In fact, am a practical person. I have emotions of course  but I'd prefer not to use them, not because of past experience or whatever, but because there is no need to. I've had past experiences a like any other people. They were not that bad, I confess. Not bad at all.. Just like many people, they were people who weren't meant to be with me. That's all. And I so believe in this. 

People come and go. This is life. Some people you care to have them in your life, while others you just don't. Life is really simple and its true that people who tend to complicate it. Here comes the emotional side of us. The one that ruins our relations. Too much emotions will kill us, eventually. 

And here I am.. talking about emotions.. Too much.. eh?!

Yes. 

Out of no where, you suddenly talk about emotions, about feelings, about caring and of course love.

You know when someone asks you something, and you're just like "umm..idk" that's so me when I talk about him. 

I don't know.. He's just.. I don't know.

25th of June, 2012. This day I still remember it like its yesterday. 

The day I met him..

OK its kinda complicated. Not just saying, it is complicated.

I didn't actually meet him. I met him online. 

It started from no where on some unknown application. We talked for hours, about so many things. Religion and politics mainly, which are the worst thing to start a conversation with, especially if you both have different opinions and religions. 

A 25 year old atheist American doctor, who lives in Detroit. That's all what I knew about him back then. In fact, I wasn't shocked to know he's atheist. It was just something different for me. I was really okay with it. He was very smart, so knowledgeable, knows so many things. First, we were talking blindly, I mean I haven't seen his pic and same with him. He was..idk.. different in so many ways. He captured me with his knowledge, his point of view about so many stuff we talked about. He has his own way when he talks, his own personality, its like I can see him, I can picture him while talking. I so wished that when we were talking but didn't say a word. 

And after like 3-4 hours of chatting, before we say goodbye like any other people who chat through the internet, not knowing if you'll meet those people again or not, he said something really funny and cute.. The cutest thing I've ever heard from a guy. He asked for my BBM pin in this way " I know it'd be like crossing all the oceans and seas around the round to have your pin, but can you give it to me?" At this moment, I felt something.. idk.. I laughed out loud when he said that and it was perfectly fine for me to give him..everything. 

To be honest, I wanted him to ask for any kind of communication, and when he did, I was extremely happy that we'll get to talk and be in touch. And especially when we talked he said that he's always busy and that he's not into this kind of social applications. 

It all started form that day..

Something inside me has changed from that day. Oh emotions.. I hate it, I really do! It ruins everything, literally. But somehow it happens to me..

I fell in love.

I waited for him to have me on my BBM. Thank God I got his email which was the only way to reach him through till I get the request. I've waited days and I emailed twice. I got angry and I thought it was kinda joke! And then he emailed me.. and oh boy! I was like..idk.. 

He added me on the BBM and we started talking like normal people. Then comes the pictures turn. Haha.. A little awkward.. I was curious about how does he look but really never cared. He saw my picture and he liked the way I look, oh yeah he did. And then comes his turn, he was very hesitant to send me one and even keep saying excuses. I was wondering why he's doing this and then after couple of days, I asked about the picture again and he was like "OK I' not blonde and I'm not even handsome." so I said "Thank God you're not blonde and you being handsome or not is something, I should say, not you." He was like "Oh ok" and the I found an attachment on my email. My heart was pounding not because that he might not be handsome as he said but that am going to actually see a picture of him, finally. I opened the picture to find him. 

Oh boy! Dark hair, dark narrowed eyes and fair color of skin. He's exactly what I wanted him to be or what I wished for.

He was too curious to know my opinion about his look, so he said again "I told you I'm not handsome" I LOL'd and said you're very handsome and I so love your narrowed eyes by the way! And he never believed me :)

I still fall for him everyday. 

Oh emotions..!

We've been together for almost 4 years, we don't actually talk everyday, we haven't seen each other before, I mean physically. And it god damn hurts! It hurts that I cant see him, I cant touch him, I cant even reach him whenever I want to. 

It's complicated. 

I have nothing to do except to have faith and patience. 

We've been through so many things like really so many, from culture thing to religion moving to different places and so on.. It is really difficult to have long distance relationship. It's too damn hard for anyone. And if someone wanted to take my advice about it, I'd say If its worth it, go for it. I'm that kind of person that loves to take risks whether its for a good thing or not but I have to bear the consequences as well. 

Going into this long distance relationship might be the hardest thing to decide, I didn't actually think about it, its just happened. But If had the chance to get back with time, I'd do the same thing. Over and over.  

Keep having faith and patience.. Maybe you get your desired destiny but at least it'll lead you somewhere.