It reminded you of him.. didn't it?
His face..his smile.. his eyes.. his expression when he is pissed.. the feel when he holds your wrist unknowingly.
I know. I feel the same. I decided am not in for any of this 'butterflies in stomach' for now or near future because there was no one such and I was totally good with that.. but then I met him.
I have been in deep crush. I liked him seriously. I have done stuff a girl does only if she dates someone, but I don't agree. We can do stuff for people we like and care for. Whats with the relation level tag?
But my friends don't buy it. They say I love him every time I say I don't love but just deeply like him. They give me that arrogant look whenever I say I did some stuff for him.
He sees me as a friend. yeah.. the cliche story.
I like him deeply. *chuckling*
I love his voice when he speaks when sulking.. the curve of his fine lips when he stresses on some words unusually. .the way he stares at me when I cut him in between his sentence with a hurting come back.. that he looks for me in a room of more than half a century people. . when he calls me to feel better.. when he says he just wants to go somewhere with me because he will feel peace .. when he relies on me like it's his born right... when he randomly just start picking on me making fun.. the way my heart and stomach goes on roller coaster when he knocks at my door.. the way my torso gets warm when his name flashes on my phone..
Well I could go on..
I did tell him in a vague form that I like him. he didn't react bad nor changed anything. We we're normal good friends.
Then one day one getting pumped with courage due to some friends..and second, tired of hiding and crying. . I called him.
I said 'hello... uhn...'
he said ' yeah? kya?'
I said..'kuchh nahi..' I cut the call.
of course it's a typical daily soap scene. But I swear it was unintentional. My lips couldnt say what my heart wanted to.
Needless to say how desperate I was to tell him how I felt.
I called him again. I told him what I had to.
He gave 'hmmms' in necessary places..
Then told that he always looked at me as a buddy buddy girl and that how we both couldn't stand each other and recently got closer.. but I couldn't hear anything anymore... my mind went blur. I cut the call.
I ignored him for two days because I wanted a break to set my mind that it's okay it happened.. it's okay some guy told me no on my first courage to speak my heart.. it's okay to bind feelings for now on.. it's okay to get heart broken to trillion pieces.. it's okay to think pain will remain...forever..
he called quite a time for silly reasons..
maybe he didn't want to mess friendship and I really respected that. But people always told me that he doesn't care enough or even half of what I do. I always thought they didn't know anything and whenever I felt so I use to negotiate with myself saying he is silly and won't do anything mean as intended.
I hid my feelings and we continued to be good friends. I saw him after two days and we laughed and talked like nothing ever went unusual. I smiled like am not hurting..I talked like I don't wanna beg him to answer why won't he like me back.. I looked at him like it didn't matter my heart ached every time.
We were alright.
he was more than good
and I.. pretended to be fine.
And few days later.....
P.S - This is a true story. Leave opinions on if you wish to know further.
till then You take care.
xoxo
~kj0