I know you're still stuck and not even moving on your own feet. The chain has been unlocked and the cage has been opened but still you don't want to fly, you don't want to let go but it's alright. Moving on is not easy. Never been easy especially with you.
He happened to be the most awaited gift you'd been dreaming of, the beautiful necklace your neck longed to wear, the jewelry you will show off, the thing you will be most proud of like 'Hey, I'm so lucky to have it. Weren't I?"
He is eveything you expected him to be. He is an angel in disguise. He is a dream come true.
But you realized that not all dreams were real. Some are nightmares dressed like a beautiful disaster you will always welcome but you're wrong.
Because you hope to never met him.
You hope to never heard every single thing about him, especially his name. The first thing you knew about him that you wished you never knew. The moment when you first called his name and it feels foreign in your tongue because it shouldn't be like that, like you should call him anything especial, the one that you own. The one that you can call yours.
You hope to never heard his laugh. The way his voice echoed in your room. The way his eyebrow rose every time his annoyed. The way he look at you, the way he say your name, the way he blink, the way he move.
You hope to never met him... You hope to just erase him in your memory for his memories are burning flames in your mind. It keeps haunting you down every night, lurking in the shadow of your head like a monster waiting to be awakened. He is different from all types of jewelries for his kind is the one you don't want to own.
You hope to never want to own him but you just can't! You were never obedient, you're one of a hell stubborn to still want to own something as sharp as knife, you never love blood. But you happened to love broken promises. Broken smiles. Broken love.
He is the water you drink everyday, the one fulfilling your thirst. He is the air you breathe, the oxygen you need to live. He is everywhere. In reality or even in your dreams that you just want to cry all night to ease the pain.
Tears is not an answer yes but it's a temporary bandage for a broken heart and that's why you use it everyday, you use it as a medicine for your wounds, you cry for the scratches he made, you owned the sharpness of his words like a treasure. You're pathetic... But moving on is not easy, especially with you.
And that's why everyday while healing yourself you always hope to never know him from the very first time. Hope to never glance at him secretly. Hope to never laugh in his stupid jokes. Hope to never kiss him back that night. Hope to never held his hand. Hope to never date him. Hope to never met him.
To hope I never met him.