How Living 'Was' Dread

I woke up again

Or maybe I just dreamt of waking or not

Or not being able to sleep

Since they cursed they cursed I've been sleeping.

I had a nightmare last night

Or maybe it was not

technically last night

Since they growled...

How lucky I am

Like it's not luck but a carcass of a rat in an old cabinet of memories.

I pretended I wasn't breathing

Or maybe I did took a leap

And nuh! Not for Euphoria

But for feeling that each person around me wants me dead anyway

Since I can see how Ifor sure becomes a huge inadvisable decision bit by bit

I held a gun today

Or maybe it was a knife

Hah! Whoever cares?

I want to stop this dread of living

The object fits perfectly in my hand

Like it's a present waiting to opened at the base of a Christmas tree

My friend, haha, yes my friend,

Called me names today

Or maybe not names but my real name

Since I've been saying, doing, acting 'awful' most of the time with them

Like I'm a silly blue paper in a pile of red flowet origami

I'm all alone in a boay at the middle of the sea 

Surrounded with sharks

And sea serpents

And angry mermaids

And icy blaze

Rescue me please. Please rescue me.

Or maybe not...

Since I just created this.