Hyper Ventilating

So here is the beginning of the end for me, it's scary but at the same time the noise feels peaceful. The chaos is accepted and fears are no longer scary as they were earlier. Also the sense of belonging is more sharp to identify but the belongness is gone. I am not sure wether this is going to be another rant or short excerpt from my daily struggle, will try to keep it real.

Learnt a lot today, how different a situation can be from reality when experienced with more than a single pair of eyes. There is feeling of nothingness crawling under my skin, it's not familiar as it used to be. The senses are tingling to find the root of it but the brain is already struggling to keep the voices mute inside my head. The feeling that felt was permanent was never there in the first place, just a screen of smoke. It's hurting and it's going to increase everyday from now. Also, the brain went numb a while ago, not sure why but it happened; am kind of grateful that it happened, feels like a slap of reality to me. Can I survive this? Maybe or maybe not, but the question is when did I fell into this spiral of smoke and mirrors? I am not yet ready for the answer to that, it's more like my soul is still building up the guts to face the gravity of this whole situation.

Alas! Now the thoughts are even more disoriented and the capability to end this wordgame is fading away fast. Maybe I can get the whole story in my next rant (now am sure it's a rant). Adios !!