I Am that Girl

     I am the girl who's incapable of loving someone or staying in love, for that matter. I am the girl who will love you today, but tomorrow I'll be unsure. Because last night I was filled with thoughts and doubts of you. Then I will ask myself whether am I really in love and what is love, anyway?

     I am the girl whose mind you will never read, an act you will never expect and a heart you will never open. I am the girl who wants your affection, but turn you down immediately when you say 'I love you', because I am that girl who wants to be loved but stays safe by simply ignoring her own feelings. 

     Then if you still stay, I will let you. I will try to push you away to see if you're worth it. Then of course, at first you won't leave. Then slowly I will believe in every word you say. Then the next day you're gone. And I will tell myself that I know it's coming, that I am right. 

     I am the girl you will hate for not opening up, for not letting you help to stitch myself back, and for not letting you hold my hand... even a finger. I am the girl who's every uttered word you will doubt. Because you know I am a good pretender. I am the girl you'll never see crying or seeking for your sympathy. I don't want to impose myself, never. Then you will ask me if I still love you, then I will be silenced as I wonder if I have ever loved you. 

     Then you will get tired of a girl like me. So you'll walk away. And I know that I am just that girl who's protecting herself, from the pain that may come, by building walls around me; by not letting you in. Then I'll convince myself that you're not really worth it, I hope. That it's okay. Because I know I am that kind of girl.