I am those who always means good but mess it up

Should I be allowed to talk freely to my romantic partner? The answer is yes. Except there is a problem. I do not have her physical presence by my side. Or it is a "person" that grew in my heart. (A romantic Crush)

The answer is no. I shouldn't share my mind because of a so-called fragile state. I'm not talking about her mind but my own.

So, I write on this anonymous journal to any females out there who are looking for love tips. Hoping I can provide power from my life experiences in the quest to trying to find long lasting love to someone who needs love right now.

I love only one woman in this world, my mom. She can be so nonchalant when she came to loving me but living with her, I gained extra wisdom from those peers around me through the shame, trials of lessons, and failure in tasks. She attempted suicide twice as I witnessed during my adolescent years. Developed a sense of anxiety. Hopelessness. That life could be fleeting. She recovered, then she would move to a different location. I never understood this cycle and the secrets she kept from me. Most of the time, I am quiet and reserved. My mom lectures me about being able to use communication which I just nod to agree not that I hear her but I know it's a way of life. Shifted from places growing up like I would live with my favorite aunt who was so sweet. My grandma made daily sacrifices and "loves" her family. And another significant woman, my aunt who taught me what it feels like to be a man in this world gazing on the beauty of a woman. She was jealous of me because of the attention I received. I know she was the youngest sister out of my mom's family and let me tell you, she loves being childish. My existence in my family is a lot of hurt feelings. It's the truth when those that know and say a mother's love is unlike any love. I really appreciate her giving me money when I asked. I was frugal yet she tried to show affection with cheap gifts. I would think to pay for my own things. At the cashier counter, she would give the money. Thank you and love you, Mom.