I Miss the nights and the days

I miss it, the nights and the days.

Every day every time I miss being myself.

I have loved I have cared but yet I missed these sensations. As the day starts I miss my sleep and as the night prevails, I miss the noise. There is so much I miss each moment.

It's the dark phase, the night when the silence can be heard and the noise sleeping tucked in dreams. And here I lie on the bed with the sheet wrinkled beneath the body wrapped with flesh, drenched in blood and a soul that seems have lived for eternity.

I close my eyes and I hear the thoughts, I open the lids and there is darkness. I feel like touching my body and suddenly I feel an emptiness and an aversion to self. There are nights I want to share my dreams and soul with someone and there are nights I wished to be left alone.

A place is there in my subconscious where there is beauty and a long solitude of barrenness. Yes, the place where I want to live for a lifetime.

But here I am feeling the cold air over my body that is lying over the bed alive yet. The body dying to be touched with love and the body I rebel at times. My lips are dry and pale and I feel the pain as I kiss them soft trying to taste the love. What pain is this?

I slowly run my fingers over my hair untangling the curls that are left untouched. There is so much to be discovered and I just wonder every night where the journey will start and end.

Maybe I should sleep dreaming of the place where I can write my story and change it each day. Or maybe I should be fancying the story where I wished to live among strangers. The story where no one knows me, my existence matters but never bothers. But will that last for long, or one day there will be people knowing me, trying to understand the words I say, the action I commit.

What if I end up again in a bed like this, lying and wondering everything I just thought of?

Well, now I miss the day where these thoughts won't haunt me. The day when I can again smile and plan my night to be peaceful and calm as they say.

I just hope the day will come soon where the nights won't be dark and the moonlight can just kiss me pleasant nighttime.