Rain poured down heavily. The view from my window was breathtaking. Each year monsoons arrive with beauty, hope and joy wrapped as a serene present for me. The lush greenery which covers every surface and that smell of the rainwater on the soil. All this looks new to me every year. For the last couple of years, the rain have been some of my best memories. Though I am not sure about the coming years.
My mind flips to one such rainy day a couple of years ago. When we were good friends. We walked together through the campus on the last day of our 2 day technical fest. That day the crowds had thinned considerably and the the rain was just a drizzle. I remember both of us pushing each other onto the puddles of water that had formed. I still smile remembering how you had pulled me by my hair. We had commented on others passing by and laughed mindlessly.We had laughed till tears came out of my eyes and then we only laughed harder.I remember how carefree and confident I was. I remember how you used to value our friendship. Our friendship.
I remember...
Memories fast forward to another such rainy day a year later.When we sat in the back seats of our tour bus and the rain drops made their way down the window panes. When we realized that we were hopelessly in love with each other. You held my hand in yours and I leaned my head on your shoulder. That warmth of your hand on mine kept me warm and tears dotted your khaki shirt. I remember my tears of sheer happiness. I remember you soft and calming whisper of words. I remember how your fingers moved over my knuckles.
I remember...
This years rains started a couple of weeks ago. Those first heavy rains are a clear memory to me. We stood there angry at each other in the middle of the campus and you again abused me with your words. Such words from you had become a habit to me but still again my mind could not rationalize them as they were not true. I cried instantly. Like a child. I couldn't stop those tears and I cried harder. But then again, like all those fights we had been having for the past year, we made up. And that was when the rains poured down. We got drenched. You had touched my nose lovingly and I kissed your hand. I loved it when you touched my nose and I knew from your face that you liked those kisses on your hands too. I remember how then the abuses seemed inconsequential. I remember how I had walked, soaking in rainwater, back to my hostel, a small smile on my face.
I remember...
A week later we broke up.
Today we stood at the thresholds of our college stationary shop and heavy rains were eminent. We have one more year to graduate. We have this one more year to see each other for every single day. We pretty much have every class together. Knowing it will be difficult to avoid each other for an year, I accept your suggestion of remaining friends for this one year.
Today we again stand together as friends and its not a drizzle or soft rains or a heavy downpour. Today its a storm. Heavy winds lashed onto the trees and the water came fully inside where we were standing. The strong forces of the raindrops pricked my skin. But we don't care. Today there is no loud laughter or soft loving whispers or even abuses which I would have willingly taken a thousand more times. Today it was deadly silence. Today I had no tears of laughter or of happiness or of sorrow. Today you didn't touch my nose neither did I kiss your hands. Today you didn't hold my hand neither did I lean on your shoulder. Today I can feel your warmth. But at a distance. Today you didn't pull my hair. Today we didn't push each other onto puddles.And still we are friends.
The storm ranges outside as my heart dies at the inevitability of the situation. In a year we will be in different place and surrounded by different people. The fake world will pull us in and we will lose ourselves in it. Maybe we might forget all of this. But each year as the rains arrive, these moments will flood back . Maybe as a reminder of how real it was. As a reminder of how complete I had felt.
The storm has ceased. As we walk back together, I look up to your face and our eyes meet for a flitting moment. My heart misses a beat. But that moment is long gone. It won't be the changes that will break your heart, it's that tug of familiarity.
One more year of such missing heartbeats, I definitely won't forget.
I will remember...