I Wondered Why

Hi, I’m David.

I woke up this morning and requested for my favorite breakfast – soft bread with cream cheese and a glass of fresh orange juice. My mom cried while preparing the food. I wondered why.

I went to the bathroom and sat in a tub half-filled with warm water. My mom cried while gently damping my right arm with a light green sponge oozing with bubbles. I wondered why.

I watched my favorite action movie and ate popcorn with my mother. Her tears were sliding on her cheeks. It was an action movie we were watching but she cried. I wondered why.

Afternoon came and I had to eat my lunch. I asked for roasted chicken, stir fried vegetables and rice. That lunch was strangely delightful. Mom cried when she saw me eating the food. I wondered why.

I went outside with my wheelchair and had a tour in our little garden. I talked to the flowers and told them how glad I was to take care of them. I saw this one rose, me and my mom planted, suddenly withered. I wondered why.

My mom carried me to my bed to take care of my wounds and contusions. She treated each of them gently. She cried while she was doing so. I wondered why.

I sat on a bench up our terrace watching the sun set. It felt so warm  reaching my skin. I just sat there until the night fell. My mother sat beside me and cried. I wondered why.

I asked mom to get me a paper and colored pens. I drew a dress I wanted her to wear in my graduation and I drew the house I wanted us to live at. She watched every stroke of pen while crying. I wondered why.

My mom carried me to my bed filled with cute little roses and leafy prints. She sat beside me and cried while singing a lullaby. I wondered why.

I couldn’t sleep yet so I just looked around the room and suddenly remembered a lot of things. I wondered why.

I remembered my favorite pink chair my mother gave me on my 7th birthday but only its legs are left of it. My father smashed it on to the ground one day. I wondered why.

A tear fell when I saw the wooden staff that my father used to swayed at me whenever he wanted to. I wondered why.

A tear fell again when I saw the iron candle holder that my father once smashed my head with. I wondered why.

Tears continued falling when I saw the pillow I always rested my head on whenever my father slapped me. I wondered why.

More tears fell when I saw my own teeth sitting on my study table, which took off everytime my father punched me in the face. I wondered why.

I saw my own body filled with maroon and purple colors, bruises and scars, wounds and scratches. I couldn’t stop weeping. I wondered why.

I just looked at my mother's tired eyes and said, "Thank you and I love you so much."

Before I felt weary and sleepy, I thought of the reason why my father broke my favorite chair – maybe because it was pink and didn’t fit me being a man; 

Why he swayed the wooden staff at me – maybe because he saw me plucking my eyebrows;

Why he smashed my head with an iron candle holder – maybe because I wanted to be a fashion designer and not a soldier like him and his father;

Why he always slapped me – maybe because I always hangout with girls and not with cool guys;

Why he punched me until my teeth fell off – maybe because I didn’t grow up according to his plans.

I couldn’t move an inch anymore. I was lucky to be able to eat a spoonful of food. My body was giving up. My mother held my hand and kissed me in the forehead. She knew she couldn't do anything to stop me bidding goodbye. She just cried throughout the moment we're together. She knew it was my last breathing moment on that flowery bed.

Dad knocked the door and quickly went in my room. He was crying while he told me he’s sorry for everything. He promised me that he’ll make up for everything he did.

He could've told me that when my body can still handle damage. If he really regret it, then why’d he say those words when I had no time left to live anymore?

I wondered why.

Photo credits: Hannah Gransden