In The Dark

The thing about 3am and curtains drawn closed is it makes it even hard to see in the dark. It stifles a sob that surges from nowhere like an untamed monster wishing to breakfree. That if someone asks you again if you're alright, you would give in. You would tell all your untolds and the thoughts you brewed in your coffee. Scars are less visible in the darkness making it bearable ー allowing you to be beautiful again. No maintaining of smiles. No need to force yourself to keep up in a conversation when all you wanted was to stay silent. The night will make you  feel that it's okay to be sad; and that's what makes it somehow comforting. Because it puts you in an honest confrontation of what you feel despite under the dominance of beer. It tells you what people rarely say, that sometimes it doesn't go away ー and it's completely okay. You tend to get sadder when you refuse to be sad. You don't lie to sadness and hope that the more you fake it, it will turn true. It doesn't work that way. Happiness is not convincing yourself that you're alright when you're not.

But the other side of darkness is when it became too comfortable it compels you to stay. You sink into your bed until you're out of breath. So, when you wake up in the morning, you feel nothing. You're numb. Sometimes it offers solace, sometimes it does not. And if the night was either a shelter or the void itself, it was never easy to go out. No one ever said that it's this hard ー to runaway from the shadows that embraced you when no one ever tried to go near. If there are no validation for hurting. If only everyone has the key to escape. Would they ever leave?

📷: herbleus

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